WiSh UpOn A StAr~*

2010-01-24T17:50:00.001+08:00

HI ALL,FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO STILL BOTHER COMING HERE OCCASIONALLY(LOL),I'VE MOVED TO A NEW BLOG!(click link)

REMEMBER TO LEAVE A TAG THERE KAY?LOVE YOU LOADS!<33

the first day of the rest of my life;

2009-01-29T12:11:00.007+08:00

Whee i'm back from m'sia:D and aww it's so sad to have to come back and face all the homework projects quizzes tests lessons blahblahblah which basically amount to SCHOOL.since i practically didn't do any work there,and it was such a relief to be able to do that for once.

okay i'm blabbering.

anyways it was fun while it lasted..what with all the fireworks(although i got a little bored with them after all these years so i didn't watch much,and didn't set off any),PEOPLE(which refers to all my relatives ESPECIALLY MY CUTE LIL' COUSINS:D:D),food(hehh i'm so proud of myself for not eating much cny goodies,resulting in a weight loss of 0.5-1kg since the last time i weighed myself),shopping(KL has manymany interesting shopping centres,but it's v dirty and disorganised and uncivilised compared to sg lol),and of course angpows:P

shall not elaborate much,but i will elaborate on my above-mentioned CUTE LIL' COUSINS heh.introducing...................

my fourth aunt's kids-yingying,3, and yingqi,7

(so cutee,they were wearing matching tees:P)

my third uncle's kids-jiamin,7, and hanhsiang,3

(don't they look like angmohs??xD)

hahaha i think yingying is the cutest~ which is why i took the most pics of her(actually we all did).so here goes:

AT STARBUCKS.this is my favourite pic of her!she just looks so adorable here hehhhh.

lol,another v. cute pic of her 'squashed' between my second and third aunts.

*snorts* we got a pic of her drinking soup...

okay,more later on.

byee.

2009-01-18T19:47:00.007+08:00

Hehehe,jazz was super spastic today.because of NONE OTHER THAN THE SPAZ POOL OF PEE STEPH PANG!!xD

okay so i got there 15mins early,and decided to go to the loo.first thing i saw was a bimbo(correction:someone whom i thought was a bimbo heh) in bright yellow,staring back at me from the sink there.then i realised that it was PEEEE,and was so surprised to see her there that i squealed lol.

after we got out,we saw NICOLE,who wanted to go to the loo as well,to change(unlike steph who went in to zi4lian4 HAHA).so we went back in,and while waiting for nicole decided to take pics using my NICE PINK CAMERA heh.

after a few failed attempts..................

okayokay so PEE came up with the ingenious idea of taking our REFLECTIONS in the mirror.

...and PEE ambushed nicole and took her coming out of the cubicle-.-

we took this in the studio!which felt super spacious today because of the lack of people(there were only 8 of us there,including melissa the teacher).wanted to take with nicole(we set the camera on self-timer and posed there in our splits for super long okay,but turned out that THE BUTTON WASN'T PRESSED-.-)

here is the SPASTIC part:steph pang the genius accidentally took a VIDEO instead of a PICTURE of us in the loo.SO TOOT RIGHT HAHAHAAA.HERE IT IS:

finally,we have our EXAM DANCE ROUTINE,which melissa asked us to videotape for..er..future references,you know.heh thankyouu steph for not taking me as i'd requested xD (not much anyway)

[okayy,apparently the vid is still uploading after 4hrs,and i gtg sleep,so i shall upload it,like,tomorrow or sth:P]

hmm,i think i didn't do too badly,could remember the steps and all.now i just have to PERFECT the thing xD

craps,i'm procrastinating too much today.i still have to complete bio ws 1.1 and 1.2,plus commonwealth essay!:/

until i next post~

2009-01-17T01:18:00.006+08:00

Okayy,as i've mentioned before,one of my new year's resolutions was to reach the nice little weight of 48kg...right?so,i've already started a follow-up action plan-recording my daily calorie intake and calories burnt!LOL.here's an example:

Fri, Jan 16 2009

Breakfast

Egg, Whole - Cooked, Fried

Grade: B-
Grams: 46
Cals: 90

Cereal Drink

Grade: C-
Grams: -
Cals: 55

Lunch

Rice, White, Short-grain, Cooked

Grade: B
Grams: 93
Cals: 121

Potatoes, Boiled - Cooked Without Skin, Flesh, With Salt

Grade: A-
Grams: 125
Cals: 108

Pork Sausage, Fresh, Cooked

Grade: D
Grams: 10
Cals: 34

Mixed Fruit - Frozen Fruit

Grade: A-
Grams: 187
Cals: 80

Dinner

Rice, White, Medium-grain, Cooked

Grade: B
Grams: 93
Cals: 121

Potatoes, Baked, Flesh - Without Salt

Grade: A-
Grams: 61
Cals: 57

Salad, Vegetable, Tossed - Without Dressing

Grade: A
Grams: 41
Cals: 7

Butter - With Salt

Grade: F
Grams: 14
Cals: 100

Mayonnaise - KRAFT SIGNATURE Dressings

Grade: B
Grams: 13
Cals: 90

Soup, Beef - Canned, Chunky, Ready-to-serve

Grade: A-
Grams: 240
Cals: 158

Snacks

Yogurt Lite Blended Non Fat Strawberry - Yogurt, Yogurt Drinks

Grade: A-
Grams: 170
Cals: 110

Total Calories Consumed
1,131

of course,the format was much better on the website xD n apparently they don't have the chinese version of egg rolls(aka love letters) so..i ate a bunch but didn't record it down heh.NEVERTHELESS,i've consumed less than my target of 1377(max) calories per day,which is goood!and i had cca today so i calculated about 250 calories burnt,1hr only because the rest of the time was quite slack.OH we had pe too!but idk what to classify it under,cos it was tennis but we didn't sweat much><

heh idk why i'm suddenly so enthused about this.BUT i'm not on the verge of anorexia or anything okay!!it's called healthy weight loss,hahaha.i've been planning to jian3fei2 since the start of the year,but didn't have a solid plan till now lol.i guess it was laoshi's words that triggered it...but NO,I MUSN'T THINK THAT WAY.she was being quite ludicrous in her demands,really.i mean,seriously,asking almost everyone to lose weight/tone down till they're yuanyuh/yvonne's size??not possible-.- not v healthy,either.u can't force ur metabolism rate to increase or whatever what.it's a relative thing;some ppl just have higher metabolism rates luh!

anyways.

i suddenly start reflecting,and wondering whether,had i been MORE proactive/bold/tried even harder at it,it would've worked all the way until now.i know it's history,and that this wouldn't help anything,but...........sighs.maybe i should've treasured it a little more.not that i didn't luh.

shall go sleep now,tomorrow(OR RATHER,TODAY) i'll be meeting up with abby to work on our screwed CL SIA and go bugis junction or far east or sth to shop;D AND THEN THERE'S JAZZ WITH STEPPIE<3

let time rewind;let me be that sweet,innocent girl-in-love again~

2009-01-10T18:35:00.004+08:00

Hmm,looks like i lost my patience for blogging,lol.

Anyway,i can't believe it's only the start of the year,and already my life is a mad whirlwind of activities.

mon-fri:school
mon,wed,fri:morning prac at 7.30/7am.
tue,thu,fri:cca
sat,sun:jazz (apparently they want to add an extra lesson on sun to prepare us for the exam in march)

yes,there's like something every day,even excluding the mon-fri:school part.

stupid jazz fees have shot up;it was $144 for 10-11 45-min lessons last year,now it's $336 for 11-12 1hr lessons.and they freaking combined grade4 and 5 hurhur.so there were like 12 ppl packed in that small lil' studio today(excluding teacher).gahh,why's it so ex?!i hope my mum'll still let me continue,at least for this year,since there's the jazz exam and they're gonna have a PERFORMANCE at the end of year.but anyway she's grumbling.

okay so the class is pretty interesting right now(as in the ppl)...cos it's made up of approximately half chinese and half caucasian students.including 3 guys,2 of which are super tall(and by that i mean 180cm+) and 1 of which is blonde.haha.none of them are super cute though..........

and wth i feel abit the zi4bei1 now,since the grade5 ppl are quite good.yeahhh.okay so maybe i'm still the most flex in class but there's another girl who's close hurhur.plus nicole of course.n maybe steppie:P haha,chinese seem to be more flex in general...

OKAY SO IMPROVING IN JAZZ SHALL BE ADDED TO MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS LIST.which i haven't posted yet so here it is:

1.SLEEP EARLIER!
-After prep tests are over,i shall aim to sleep at 10.30pm every school night,latest 11pm.

2.GROW TALLER AND LOSE WEIGHT
-Omg i shrunk by 0.3cm in half a year!!From 164.1cm to 163.8cm o.O MUST BE THE DAMN MACHINE LOL.maybe it's cos the teacher balanced the freaking clipboard on our heads-.- and i THINK i gained weight,gahh.
target: 165cm and 48kg by JUNE.

3.IMPROVE GRADES
-Diedie must get MSG 2 by end of year!!But looking at the way things are....i'm gonna have to FIND TIME TO WORK REALLY HARD.Oh yes,must get A for chinese so i can drop it in JC><

4.IMPROVE IN DANCE & FLEXIBILITY (both Chinese Dance and Jazz)
-I really must practise more by myself..especially in biao3yan3 for chi dance.will try to be as good as the grade fivers in jazz.i can do it;D
goals for flexibility: to do 180deg middle split,to be able to bao4tui3(AND BALANCE),to improve flexibility of back.

5.SAVE UP
-By spending less allowance or getting a job,whichever.

6.BE MORE ORGANIZED
-Update subject files every week,TRY to keep study room neat and tidy;D

7.TREASURE ALL FRIENDS AND FAMILY:D

i wanted to add in "don't sleep in class at all" but seeing as this is syf year.........i decided that that would be quite impossible,HAHA.

ohh,poor pee lost her phone at valley pt today:( retraced every step we took but couldn't find it.so weird luh,i didn't see anyone take it,nor did we hear it drop or anything.blah.hopefully she can get it back by some miracle..hurhur.

oh yeah,steph and i made friends with this caucasian girl called sandry,who was surprisingly affectionate and hugged both of us before we parted,despite the fact that we've only known each other for like an hour or so lol.and zomg she was really...open?in the sense that when we went into the toilet,she just took off her shirt and started CHANGING right in front of the mirrors(while steph changed in a cubicle).i was like,whoa.and abruptly focused on 'neaten-ing' my hair cos i thought i'd better not look at all,hahaa.

okay,i've forgotten the rest of the things that i might have wanted to say.lalala.

oh and i shall forget about finishing the beijing trip recount.....until i feel like it.

2008-11-04T15:26:00.011+08:00

I shall continue from where i left off the last time...

***

We boarded our bus again(this time it was big),and Xin Yi and I sat near the back.Our teachers,who were right in front of us,started a conversation with an old-ish guy(who had white hair) from Hong Kong,who was sitting across from us."...这是我的儿子，他刚从英国飞来的。" These words caught my attention,and I glanced towards the guy beside him for the first time since I boarded the bus.Oh!Sudden realisation dawned upon me as I recognised him as the guy I'd seen and found cute the previous day(shh!).I proceeded to study his features with what I thought was a nondescript manner."He really is quite cute," I thought to myself.And that was how I met CWY,born in HK and living in the UK,whose name I did not know until the last day of the event(aka the 5th day of our trip,if I'm not wrong).

If my memory serves,we went to visit 天安门after that.To tell the truth,it was extremely boring,especially since we were lacking a tour guide.You heard me right-we were just wandering about aimlessly by ourselves,unguided.I took several pictures,not even knowing the subjects of some of them.Still,here they are:

天安门,complete with the huge picture of 毛泽东(gosh i hope i wrote it correctly...) in the middle.

Our group walking towards it(:

OMG!A police car on the pavement??(haha don't worry,it ain't illegal over there...although it should be><)

...I suppose it's a war memorial thing,like the one we have here.

Actually,I'm not really sure what this is.

It's only when I got back that my mum explained to me:this stone carving depicts the working class and...communism?Something like that.

Ignore the random guy there...

I have no idea what I was taking-.-

Ah,Xin Yi and me attempting to create a heart with our hands...and failing xD

Er...the door:P As you can see,it's called 正阳门.

Hmm...I forgot what this is supposed to be:X

After visiting 天安门,which I was anxious to escape,because of the reason above and also because of the crazy weather(the sun was blazing,yet the wind was strong,so it felt both extremely hot and extremely cold at the same time...not a very pleasant feeling),we went to this big,wide street with shops/shophouses on both sides.Actually,there wasn't much to see,except for a 全聚德outlet and a smaller street near the end which held a few shops.We went into a...food shop,but I didn't buy anything because everything was so cheena and didn't seem very safe...haha.

On the way to...正阳桥,as it's apparently called.

On the way,we passed by this railway museum...cool:D

Finally here...and still a long way to walk!

Turned back and took a photo of them taking photos;D

Okay,so this is supposed to be a 相馆.

Dinner was nothing eventful,so I won't go into any details.Let me just describe the food in Beijing in general.Basically,in comparison to food in Singapore,it's slightly saltier and oilier.And because we had 八菜一汤 every meal in the first part of the trip,you can imagine the amount of food that went to waste.Seriously,I felt quite bad,but I couldn't possibly force-feed myself,could I?I was just glad that things weren't the same in Singapore.But of course,we had the luxury of choosing what we wanted from the wide selection of dishes.

***

Dang,i'm nowhere near done with even the first part of the trip!!there's still the highly important visit to the BIRD'S NEST n WATER CUBE,the closing ceremony,farewell dinner,visit to 故宫...ah well.shall try my best.

until the next time i post:D~

2008-11-03T18:20:00.015+08:00

Okay well,i had a wonderful trip,and i had..more fun than i ever thought i'd have,especially in china...no offense but i'm partial to western countries.plus i've gone to china twice before,whereas...okay well you get the picture.anyway,i've decided to write a nice little personal recount of the whole trip,so here goes...

Personal Recount of Beijing Dance Trip 2008
by Lee Jia Wen

When I first stepped off the plane into Beijing International Airport,a gust of unfamiliar,cool air greeted me.I was immediately engulfed by air that was distinctly different from that of Singapore.It was cooler,drier,and just tasted foreign,as I discovered once I parted my lips.The airport itself looked foreign as well-huge,slightly more disorganized than our Changi Airport back home,and well...a little forbidding.However,I found it vaguely familiar from my trip here four years back(yes,I still remember bits of it),so it wasn't too bad.

Once we got past all the security checks and stamping of passports,collected our luggages and stepped through the doors of the Arrival Hall,we were immediately greeted by two friendly-looking people holding up a banner,the words on which I cannot recall.I remember wondering,"Who exactly are these two people?Perhaps they're husband and wife?And what businessdo they have with us?" but felt flattered and welcomed all the same.I later learned that they were to be our escorts for the first part of our trip...well,kind of.

We all piled onto this minibus which could barely contain our luggage and ourselves combined.However,all of us managed to squeeze in safely in the end.Owing to the fact that I hadn't had a good night's sleep on the plane(I basically slept on the foldable table thing-very uncomfortable),I was extremely exhausted,and promptly fell asleep on the bus.

Some time later,I awoke to the sound of my name.Blinking groggily,I took in the now-familiar surroundings of the minibus,and saw the guy-escort waving some sort of nametag around(you know,the kind with a string that you hang around your neck.I would provide you with a visual image,but unfortunately I threw the thing away already).He chuckled when he learnt that I was "李佳雯",and said something like "睡着了呀!",which made me quite embarrassed.Nevertheless,I received the nametag,only to find...the OTHER Lee Jia Wen's picture staring up at me(I trust you know what I'm talking about).At first,I felt a bit panicked-what if they checked the thing in detail and found that I looked nothing like it?Afterwards,I calmed down and decided that there was nothing anyone could do about it right then,so I let it drop.Later on,when we entered the area where the event was to be held,I found that the security guard barely gave a glance at our passes before letting us in.Great!The stone in my heart suddenly lifted,and I was as happy and excited as the rest of them again.I even found the mistake amusing.

However,let's not get ahead of ourselves.Firstly,we checked into our hotel,called Li Chang Hotel.Although the place was small,and the facilities limited,it seemed clean and satisfactory enough.I snapped a picture-my first picture of Beijing!

After less than an hour to rest,my roommate(Xin Yi:D)

and I were awoken for some light snacks and practice.I groaned,but after learning that we'd get to rest again later,I relaxed.I can't remember when we had lunch,or what we had,but I suppose it was okay.Anyway,after our next,longer break,we set off for an onstage-rehearsal at the...Outdoor Place.It went okay,although I felt a little cold and tired.However,the performance was to take place the next day,so there was no time for slacking.We put on our dance shoes and did the best we could for a bunch of people who've just stepped off the plane onto foreign land,and who were setting their eyes on the venue for the very first time.老师 resolved a few minor problems,and the stage crew(or whatever) there basically familiarized themselves with when to play the music and stuff.I was singled out a couple of times,and got really nervous.When rehearsal finally ended,I was completely relieved.I slept on the bus on the way to dinner(haha).Can't recall if we met the people from other countries that night,or the next day.Well,whatever.Oh yes-I feel the need to mention that a bottle of coke and one of sprite are,like,the norm for almost every single meal.

The next day,we woke up bright and early-5am,to be exact.What other reason could there be than to put on make-up,do our hair and wear part of our costumes underneath our clothes?Okay,waking up was a tricky feat,and I may have been a little late.Nevertheless,I made it in the end,although the experience of last-minute rushing and panicking wasn't exactly nice.On the way there,we learnt that we were journeying with Russians and British,and a couple of Americans.Way cool,huh?Yes well,I didn't have much time to dwell on that-we were all busy applying lipstick and clipping leaves onto our hair.Look below for photos!

So after we got there,the Opening Ceremony of the 第三届世界儿童呼唤和平会旗展览(copied it off the plague i received...the event's the one in which we all voted for our favourite drawings,and made badges etc.,and I didn't know!!) was about to begin,so we hurriedly put our stuff down and changed our shoes.Because the weather was so cold,and the wind so freaking strong,we went for a warm-up run around the exhibition of paintings...in our dance shoes and wearing our down jackets.Then we went up the steps behind the stage to some open area and danced through 花季once and did other warm-up stuff.By that time,I was feeling quite jittery and nervous,especially when I saw how big the turnout was going to be.Suddenly,I felt extremely unprepared.

After that,we listened to some speeches about peace/world peace n all by some...important people,including Mdm Wee Bee Hoon,who is apparently the vice-chairperson or something of the event.At the end of the last speech,they actually released a whole cageful of white pigeons to symbolise peace and everything.Watching the pigeons take flight,I found myself feeling a sense of freedom...and something close to peace.I wonder where they ended up in...

Well,I got through the performance in the end,without making any major mistakes.I was like,PHEW!And apparently,many people liked it and thought we did very well,so we were pleasantly surprised.After the opening ceremony,in which the Russians,Chinese and us performed,Mrs Teo bought 红薯(what's it called in English-red potatoes??) for us to share.They were quite delicious,really,but I didn't eat too much because...okay,because I was kind of grossed out by all the saliva.Apparently I hadn't adapted to the Chinese lifestyle yet...

***

okay that's all i have for now!stay tuned,yeah?:P

btw,this is a piece of rubbish i came up with because i was so emo...

i'm not saying it isn't true,but i think i'm crazy to put it up xD oh wells.

and,look what else i saw?

Budget Great Wall Tours
Make your Beijing trip a memorable one with SIC Tour ...
http://www.sinosing.com.cn/

WTF-.- as if i need any more reminders to make me feel worse.sigh.

2008-11-02T00:22:00.006+08:00

In case you were wondering if i've abandoned my blog,the answer is:probably not.but i probably won't post daily,since i'm probably gonna be freaking busy during the holidays.ugh.

anyway,the only reason why i haven't posted anything ever since i came back from beijing is because i'm working on the post and it's gonna be reallyy long!so look forward to it!:P

okay,here's a teaser photo lol:

as you can see,it's a picture of 4 of us jumping in front of THE bird's nest,aka 鸟巢-quekying,xinyi(my roomie!:D),yujia and wenqi!

won't reveal any more details now.buh-bye!

2008-10-07T23:13:00.003+08:00

Feeling v bored so i stole a quiz from huaichynnie's blog!HAHA.

what a time to feel bored,though-the night before the rally of eoys start?!-.-

1.What's the connection between you & the last person who called you?
CARISSACATFISH!goood friend from 312:D

2.Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
nope,it turns itself off whenever the battery's flat.

3.What happened @ 10am today?
EH,it was right smack in the middle of recess,n i was NAPPING IN CLASS:P

4.When did you last cry?
um.a couple of days ago,i guess?blame it on pms n eoys LOL.

5.What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
jelly?haha so cliche.

6.What do you want in your life right now?
happiness,love n success (i.e. in studies)?hahaha.

7.Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
hmm.actually,i just run for cover xD

8.Whats your favorite thing to do on your bed?
sleep,duh.

9.What bottom are you wearing now?
long pants.lol.

10.What is the nicest text in your inbox says?
sorry,i'm still deciding which one's the nicest.

11.Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
UNFORTUNATELY,i don't have enough experience to tell!:P

12.Are you wearing anything that you borrowed from someone?
nopes..

13.What was the last movie you caught?
uhhhhh..hana yori dango with catfish hehe.

14.What are you proud of?
my pride,lol.actually,IDK.

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
u wanna know??
"costume shop or e sonata.costume shop add: 390 victoria street, #03-23 golden landmark tel:62925529.4 sonata i dunno." -quekying
OKAY NOW GO BUY A LEOTARD.

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
if i'm not wrong,it'll be "love story" by taylor swift (:

17. Do you have any nicknames?
so many that i won't bother making a list-.-

18. What does your last received text message say?
"Haha k thanks! :D" -clara

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
EARLY IN THE MORNING,LOL.

20. Are you currently happy?
could be better.

21. Who gives you best advice?
umm.my close friends?parents?yeah.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
no wayy.so fattening hahaha.

23. Who did you talk to on the phone in the last few nights?
abigail,as usual.hahaa.n tonight it was carissa.

24. Is anything bugging you right now?
welllllllllllllll yeah i suppose..not too much though.

25. What/Who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
umms,can't remember.i laugh v easily so it's no biggie-.-

26. Do you wear toe socks?
okay,wth are those?

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
hmm,i didn't bother to check who it was :X

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yups..

29. What annoys you most in a person?
my idiotic chinese teacher.n "annoy" is a severe understatement.

30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
CHACE CRAWFORD<33

31. Have you ever done cocaine??.
do i look as if i have??

32. What is the colour of your room?
..a boring cream white.

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
NO-.- n anyways i don't actually feel so strongly against anyone to actually HATE them.
oh yeah,except exams of course.

34. Do you believed in the saying "talk is cheap"?
it dependsss.

35. Who was the last person to lay in your bed?
myself,of course.

36. Who was the last person to hug you?Who did I allow to hug me?
someone in a recent dream!HAHA.
n how would i know who U allowed to hug u??o.O

37. What do you want to say to the person you have a crush on?
"i hate u for causing me to like u." haha JK.

38. Do you have a life?
hmm,obviously u don't.

39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didn't?
n-oo..

40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
u mean blog song?
1.it's nice.
2.it fits how i feel..or felt,at least.

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
not telling:P

42. Last time you smiled?
NOW!HAHA.

43. Have you changed this year?
alott.

44. What are you listening to right now?
the annoying voice in my head saying "go get some sleep already!"

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
HUAICHYNNIE:D n um,boshun!hahaa.

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
*blink* both.

47. Is there a quote you live by?
let's see.."life is an open book." i guess.

48.Do you want someone you can't have?
yes,people like chace crawford n jesse mccartney n erm.loads.

49. Have you ever played an instrument?
once upon a time,i used to play the piano.
n then came the annoying "instrument" called the RECORDER-.-

50. What was the worst idea you've had this week?
umm,ponning chinese to study other subjects><

51. What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
MUGGING..ISN'T THAT LIKE THE ONLY THING I CAN BE DOING NOW?
kk n maybe digressing a little xD

52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
very,since it's nonexistent.

53. What song describe your love life?
nothing comes to mind.lalala.

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
okay who exactly are u referring to?

55. Who always makes you laugh?
always?no one can be a joker all the time!xD

56. Do you speak other language other than English?
duh.

57. Are you blonde?
not literally,no.

58. What's your middle name?
JIA..?HAHA.

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
i'll be doing stupid chinese paper 2 at school.i can't wait!*sarcasm*

60. What do you think you are like?
i shall not compare myself to an inanimate object.

61. Who will you choose to die with?
whoever will actually be willing to die with me o.O

62.Where have you been today?
school,n home.that's it,unless u wanna count dreamland.

63. What game do you play often?
the game of love.haha kidding~

64. Who are you missing right now?
umm.

65. If you've to choose between friend & love, who will you choose?
love,since it covers "friends" as well xD

66. What are you doing right now?
THIS QUIZ,WHAT ELSE?

67. Which primary school are you from?
ATS.

68. Name 3 colours that you like.
PINK PURPLE BABYBLUE.

69. What emotion do you like to show?
when i'm happy,i like to show that i'm happy.
when i'm sad,i like to show that i'm sad.
n when i'm pissed,i like to show that i'm pissed.
get the pattern??

70. What is life to you?
AN OPEN BOOK,AS STATED IN MY QUOTE HAHAA.

2008-10-04T19:33:00.003+08:00

Sighs.i had such a perfect,realistic dream last night...n woke up n descended to reality.which sucks in comparison.blahhs.

i feel annoyed with myself for not having finished bio yet.i must finish at least 2 chapters today,by hook or by crook!!...n then i'll have 2 more to go=.=

eoys are the absolute worsttt n what's worse(yes,worse than worst) is,i can't truly say that i'll be happy when it's over,cos i'll be flying overseas n suffering under a different kinda torture.in CHINA,nonetheless.china with the hygiene n food(melamine!!) problems.mannn.

will update later,to report if i've finished the 2 chapters of bio.wait,scrape that-i WILL report that i've successfully completed everything by 11pm.

till then...BYE.

*UPDATE* craps,i only managed to finish 1.5chapters!!T.T I AM SO DEAD.

2008-10-01T20:24:00.003+08:00

~~I really don't need a supposed friend getting jealous every time i start a conversation with someone else,or try to steal every friend i make..at least,that's what it felt like.~~

~~maybe i'm overreacting.but that's how i feel.~~ stephh u're right!;D thanks so much hahaha.

on a lighter note,i've finally derived,from many many conversations etc,that i have this ability (or tendency at least) to focus on the positive aspects of people most of the time.i guess that's the reason why i'm not a good critique(but i still do it sometimes),n why i don't always go after hot guys..lol.but seriously,i wish some people would stop judging people just by their looks.it's quite..superficial.although we all tend to judge by looks at first glance.hurhur.

oh n today's progress is downright SLOW.reason?i kept trying to escape mugging,n couldn't focus when i did=.= to what extent must i go to force myself to STUDY?!?!

okay,i'm gonna reallyy try now.with a countdown timer to remind myself to SPEED UP.

2008-10-01T00:09:00.003+08:00

Craps,i can't let myself be ruled by my emotions too much..i shouldn't get so influenced by such trivial little details.besides,it's not like i'm supposed to care anymore.

but then again,i get really confused sometimes.as usual. *grimaces*

anyway,silly,it's time to focus n go into full mugmode tomorrow(TODAY,in fact).OR ELSE.

oh n i totally can't believe i got a1 for chem for ca2.my chem suckkks.

ACTUALLY,why am i crapping about random stuff in my posts nowadays?o.O maybe i'm going crazy.or maybe it's just cos there's too many things on my mind.oh wellllllllll..

2008-09-26T23:44:00.007+08:00

OMG CHACE CRAWFORD (from gossip girl) IS SOOOO CUTE!!!<33

his eyelashes are like long n adorable n his eyes are blue n..okay well basically everything about him spells "H.O.T" xD

On a more serious note,I should stop wallowing in the past n start preparing myself for the future.

look ahead,girl.don't look back,cos what happened in the past..can't be undone.

so move on.

but then again..who said that the past can't repeat itself?

okay i'm seriously crapping so i shall stop here.bye.

2008-09-23T21:23:00.003+08:00

This is it.eoys officially start tomorrow.

n up to now,i'm officially UNDER-PREPARED.help!!

thank god it's just l.a. tomorrow,n we've 2 days of homelearning after that.i've gotta seriously mug like crap for the rest of this week.

my brain's still refusing to accept the fact that everything we've done,all the l.a. lessons we've been through this year..they all boil down to tomorrow.yes,everything's for the last paper tomorrow.which will determine our final l.a. grade.

which is one of the only subjects that have potential to pull my grades up right now.talk about PRESSURE.

i was like majorly freaking out just now,n by "freaking out" i meant being super flustered,on the verge of nervous tears n basically worrying over my msg n how math will totally drag it down=.= n yeah because of the realisation that this l.a. paper was more important than i'd thought.

well.i guess i'll go attempt a last-minute round of revision on compre n expo.cya,n wish me luck:/

2008-09-01T23:43:00.002+08:00

Back after a loong hiatus.

actually i'm getting quite sick of blogging,since i've better things to do now.

like reading-omg the twilight series rocks(well the series doesn't have an actual name but the first book is called "twilight" xD)!was pondering if i should buy the whole series after reading "twilight",which i borrowed from abby.then my mum helped me make up my mind by buying "new moon" for me with her $20 borders voucher yesterday:D:D i've already finished it,of course,n now i want "eclipse"!!

like mugging-okay so maybe it isn't exactly considered a "better thing to do".but it's reaaaallly important now so i'd better focus.i've done up a timetable for the hols,n I ~~WILL~~ MUST KEEP TO IT.

teachers' day was relatively fun.on thursday,catfish n i went to thomson plaza to get white chocolate n piping tubes+tips for baking.met up with huaichyn at kfc,then went to get wrapping plastic while she took her time eating cheese fries.oh yes n my parents were there too-mum helping us buy the rest of the ingredients.

after that,we went back to my house n started the exhausting process of baking cupcakes-2 kinds-chocolate chip n double chocolate chip or whatever u wanna call it.we only finished at 9pm+!n barely made enough for teachers+classmates(or so we thought-turned out that there were still quite a few left after class party).

anyway,it was quite fun,especially the icing part xD we made white,purple n hotpink icing,hehe.n of course,i was careful not to let even one drop of pink icing touch ms chee's cupcake=.= i still wonder what she has against pink.oh well.

i practically didn't sleep because after all the baking,i still had to wrap them up n write individual notes to all the teachers:/ n haha we realised that there wasn't enough wrapping plastic,so huaichyn n i split(catfish wasn't giving them to teachers).i had 4 pieces,n the rest i presented in ziplock bags..lol.ALSO there was still that shitty chinese file i had to hand in,being one of the 6 unlucky people that chai picked.actually i wouldn't have been picked,if i
1.hadn't been sitting in front,n
2.didn't raise my hand when chai asked who has more-or-less complete files.sigh.

on teachers' day itself,we had a 45min class party which consisted of eating,eating n more eating.apparently many people in 312 like to bake:D so we had like lots of cakes n cookies.

then we had celebrations.frankly speaking,they weren't THAT great-in fact i think the standard of the students' performances has dropped-but the one thing that was really successful was the teachers' awards ceremony thing,hosted by mr chia,lol.there was one point in time when mr lim kok boon,who was crowned "most charming male teacher",carried ms deline soh all the way onstage where she struck a pose(winners of certain categories like most charming/stylish had to do that,HAHA).that was wayyy cool.

amazingly,we were dismissed at 10am+.after rushing around delivering presents(laoshi actually asked the beijing people to stay back for 10mins to practise o.O but i didn't have the timee),i met up with all the ex-ats people n we all went back to ats hahaha.

i now realise how boring it had gotten.we just chatted briefly with mdm ho,then stoned at the canteen benches for a loong time,waiting for jiayu,then went to meet mdm ho again n took a few pics.

after that they went for lunch while i met up with huaichyn n wendy,talked to xxl for abit(the conversation was super awkward n i don't think she even remembers me,not that i care),then went to amk hub with huaichyn.

too lazy to go into details,but i guess the day was fun n interesting in a way.but it made me miss,like,the old times n old teachers..somehow:/ dunno if i'll be going back to ats again next year..definitely not during cny anymore.the place is just super noisy luhh.

haha,i actually still miss watching the olympics.am i a loser,or what??=.= it was superb while it lasted,though.

okay,now i have mugging n reading to keep me occupied.not to mention cca(ohh,joy).n idk when i'll be posting again,cuz although i can go on forever after i start posting,the problem is that i'm reluctant to start most of the time.so yeahh.

n also,no time luh.i'm like supposed to have slept an hour ago.sheesh.

2008-08-17T22:49:00.005+08:00

Haha,turns out that friday's cca was used for the farewell party.

which was quitequite fun n successful.the decorations were nice,the montage was great n the food was good too:D sadly,the atmosphere was more high than emo,so no seniors cried,lol.

okay,too lazy to describe in detail,so here's a brief summary of the past few days:

saturday-olympics,math tuition,jazz,olympics

sunday-olympics (sadly,we lost the table tennis finals-but well,it's not like we were expecting to win CHINA)

monday-shakespeare in love:D it's a movie we watched in a.l/l.a-whichever-n it's great!

k byee.

2008-08-14T23:55:00.001+08:00

Deng linlin (chinese gymnast) is so cute:D haha went home early to watch finals yesterday.china won usa by 2 points to get gold~

the dissection of the pig's heart during bio practical today was..eeky.first period somemore.the blood clots are the yuckiest.

i'm kinda dreading cca tomorrow,especially since i'm still suffering from back-ache:/

2008-08-12T23:09:00.002+08:00

Okay,one more negative point of the performance being over:no more "slacking time" while watching other dances.

like seriously,i never thought about THAT until today,during cca where we were exposed to super challenging n rigorous exercises non-stop throughout almost the whole time..

oh well,i'll just have to improve myself to avoid public embarrassment or whatever,hahaa.

anyway,so sad there was practically nothing from the olympics being broadcasted when i came back at like 7pm+.today beijing was supposed to be shown at 11pm,but now at 11.30pm they're still showing this equestrian race stuff which is *yawns* bo-ring.so i guess i'll have to give up n go sleep:/ annoying.

oh,u know what?i realised that michael phelps isn't very good-looking in normal life.he only looks hot at the pool hahaha.is it because his hair n face shape are blah n the swimming cap kinda covers it up?lol.

thomas daley the cute uk diver is only 14 omg..i thought he was at least 16 or something,didn't know they could qualify for olympics at such a young age.hmmm.

yays,i'll be able to catch something on tomorrow after i get back,but i can't remember what n when:X i just remember that it's something nice xD

we're each gonna dissect a pig's heart tomorrow for bio practical..eww.hope i'll survive thatt.

2008-08-11T23:55:00.003+08:00

I realised that there's only one way u can ever lose in style.

n taufik hidayat is the perfect example,i.e. being relaxed n imperturbed throughout the entire game,even if u're losing.

n it's not like he was aloof or gave up.he gave it his best shot n displayed some goood moves.i suppose he lost because of his not-so-good condition,but since he's okay with it,i'm okay:D

watching susilo play,on the other hand,was quite antagonising.it might be because he's like,one of our country's hopes,but part of the reason is also because we know it's a gone case,yet we keep hoping for a miracle(which didn't occur,of course).n also because he looked quite anguished himself:/

oh wells.tao li finished 5th in the finals of the women's 100m butterfly race,which is really quite an achievement.i'm sure all of us are very proud of her:D

some reporters are just unrealistic man.what "With Singapore’s best hopes in swimming and badminton out of competition"..like ahem,tao li's initial target was just to get into the finals.all of us know very well that an olympic medal is way out of her reach for now.she's already surpassed her own expectations by coming in 5th,not to mention breaking the asian record.is that not good enough?

n as for badminton,did they really expect susilo to beat 2nd seeded lee chong wei please.it's not like he's at his peak..n although he's still relatively good,i really don't think he can expect to win the world number 2.

haha,i realise that i'm being quite critical here,idk why.maybe it's cos i don't believe in putting too much pressure on the athletes since they're all trying their best already.besides,ever heard of the saying "have the best preparation n the worst expectations?"

the article still stated "Now there is more pressure on table tennis and sailing to produce the goods." lol.we can only hope for the best,okay?no pressure.

meanwhile,we watched phelps break the olympic record today for i-forgot-which-event.at the end,he was still like..unfazed.oomg.does he know how many people would've died to have been in his place??he's simply..well,a shui3 shen2,as they called him in chinese.

i realised that i've become more realistic since the last olympic games.last time,when my mum went "he has no hope of winning anymore",i would be thinking what a pessimist she was n keep hoping until the very last point.now,though,when she said that during susilo's match,i actually agree with her.oh no,does that mean i'm becoming more pessimistic?:/ although i still regard myself as quite an idealist.

okay,enough for today.so sad there's school tomorrow,i think i was really getting used to lazing around n watching the olympics on the couch.tsk.

2008-08-10T22:34:00.004+08:00

I'm like superlazy to post nowadays.

so yeah,skip the performance stuff,i suppose i'll be able to remember it for quite some time to come anyways.

the olympics opening ceremony was amazing!:D although the first part wasn't to my liking,but well.the rest were utterly sensational.

n on national day,our whole family went to our grandparents' place,along with my cousins n their family,my uncle n 3 of his friends.initial idea?to celebrate national day together by watching the parade.

in the end,we somehow digressed n ended up totally engrossed in watching the olympic games like swimming n gymnastics.LOL.when we finally switched back to i-forgot-which-channel-the-parade-was-showing-on,we realised that the entire parade was over:X

how patriotic the lot of us were.oh well,so sorry singapore!n a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to u:D:D at least we watched the parade long enough to catch the national anthem n all.n s.r nathan.

which reminds me,the connect singapore event was practically a total disaster(sad to say).we weren't even sure when we were supposed the recite the pledge=.= we ended up splitting into a few groups that recited it at different times.haha.

kinda a waste of time.sigh.

ANYWAY,i'm officially HOOKED on watching the olympics,n tomorrow i'm getting up before 10am to catch the badminton game between ronald susilo n lee chong wei,as well as tao li-our national heroine!:D-swimming at like 10.20-something.go team sg!

i'll add that michael phelps of usa is totally insanely a phenomenon in swimming(n he's kinda hot,if u ask me;D heck the fact that he's clumsy on land).he broke his own world record today!by over a second,which is alot for swimming!looking forward to watching him get more golds n break more records:P

n i realised that gymnasts are somehow hotter than average in general.idk why.they like all have highhigh cheekbones!n it's not just me,cos one of my uncle's girl friends brought it up hahaha.

nothing more to say for now,cyas.

2008-08-04T23:28:00.005+08:00

Reality is starting to sink in..

no more pep talks,briefings n debriefs.

no more rehearsals-be it in the dance studio,outside the audi,at the quad,in the audi,or at esplanade(i just realised that we really practise everywhere).

no more dancing huanghaizi or hongchou,or even watching other dances.

it's really quite saddening.-nostalgia-

well i shall do a proper post after tomorrow or something,or maybe even only during the weekend,because i seriously need to catch up on all the overdue homework n lessons:/ blehs.

cya.

2008-08-02T23:52:00.004+08:00

Omg.

the performance yesterday was seriously amazing.n amazingly,i didn't mess up anything.instead,my smile was extra wide n like,spontaneous:D

n the house was pitch-black except for the first couple of rows.idk if i should feel disappointed or relieved.

oh wells,more tomorrow since i gotta sleep now.oh btw,i woke up at 3pm+ today,partly because of longterm lack of sleep n partly because i stayed up till 2pm+ last night furiously getting rid of the TON of glitter,hairspray n makeup i had on.seriously,my hair felt n looked like..a bird's nest o.O u'll understand when i post the pic.

for now,here's the cool esplanade backstage pass which they issued to everyone!

front view..

..back view.

ciaos!

2008-07-27T23:50:00.002+08:00

..I think the dreams i had on the previous 2 nights accurately portrayed what i've been pondering or worrying about recently.like friendships,studies n all.kinda interesting,really.i dreamt that i got like 9/60 for math n actually felt RELIEVED o.O wth.

n i wish i were going for cross-country tomorrow with the rest of the school,instead of being at practice from like 7.30am to 6.30pm.gosh,that's a whole 11hrs.

i die because i've a ton of work to finish by tuesday,n i'll have only a few hours to do it,since i've pretty much slacked away this weekend.well,besides cca n the fact that my grandparents came of course.

speaking of which,i had a nice time today.well,after realising that budget terminal was in fact a superboring n really BUDGETED place luh.like seriouslyy,there was nothing except for a few vending machines outside the arrival hall n a newsagent's outside the departure hall.blehhs.oh well,at least it made me save money n all.haha.

anyway the whole lot of us,12 people,went my uncle's old flat in sengkang,where we had dinner,talked n watched abit of tv.i indulged in bengawan solo cakes n kuehs xD

n haha my grandparents look pretty much the same,really!quite amazing,considering the fact that it's been 2 years.my grandma kept saying how i've changed ALOT,while the others haven't really changed.hmmm,did i really?

nothing more to say for now,byees.

2008-07-26T21:13:00.004+08:00

I went to jazzcats anticipating the long-awaited fun n energizing lesson we'd have..

..n got an unpleasant surprise.

because not only did i find that the secretary,christine,wasn't there,OUR TEACHER ADRIENNE WASN'T THERE ANYMORE,AS WELL.like wtfff.

at first i was hoping that maybe she was just absent for the week or something.but then i heard them talking about how she had some "family issues" n probably won't be back anytime soon..n my heart just sank.

well the lesson was quite shitty because for the first part,this assistant teacher or whatever called something like su keng took over our class,n from a past experience i knew it was gonna be boring..n it wasss.

then the manager or director-whichever-called melissa took over,but talked for like 5mins with swee keng settling some stuff.after that things got a bit more interesting.BUT STILL.nothing compared to what adrienne did.

omg,it's now that i really miss that class,because it's like,u know u won't be experiencing it again,n doing all the exercises n movements u've come to love(haha i actually naturally started doing an exercise in the way adrienne taught us to before i caught myself).

n if this keeps up(or should i say down?),i think i'll quit luh,no choice:/

oh wells.on the brighter side,i did quite well in the class today.as in,surprisingly not very stiff.hahaa.

n OH YEAH i was supposed to have practice from 8-11am today,but couldn't wake up no matter how much my dad called me(i was half-asleep,then dozed off again lol).i finally got up at 8.15am,panicked,woke my dad up n chionged all the way.

then there was a stupid accident on the road at the hwachong side so i only got there at 9.20am n saw them practising hongchou already,so i was like "oh shit" n ran past laoshi to my position,but laoshi called me back-quite expected actually.i was super nervous luh.she asked me why i was late n i apologised n said i couldn't wake up n braced myself.

but,UNEXPECTEDLY,she just laughed n said something about my being too tired from yesterday to get up(there was rehearsal till 8pm+).THAT'S ALL.so i was breathing a huge sigh of relief internally,n felt totally grateful to her lol.like thank god man.

tomorrow we're going to the airport to receive my grandparents,who are coming from chinaaa:D n after that we'll have a family gathering at the flat that they'll be staying in(aka my uncle's old house).i loveee going to the airport<3

haha idk when i'll be posting again.anyway,c'ya;D

2008-07-21T22:32:00.002+08:00

21st July-Racial Harmony Day
21st July 1972-'Bloody Friday' (occurred in Northern Ireland:P)
21st July 2008-START OF BLOCKTESTS:/:/

obviously,we didn't celebrate racial harmony day at all.apparently the school thought that blocks were more important than racial harmony.haa.

speaking of which,i'm definitely gonna flunk l.a.

stupid killer poem.

2008-07-19T22:42:00.002+08:00

Yays i'm so darn happy now:D irrationally happy i guess,since i'm wayy behind schedule:/

but well today was dedicated entirely to ih.n at first when i went through the 25page-long notes we were given,i didn't understand alot of things.so i was feeling quite demoralised n panicked.

but then towards the end i realised that,since i was in the library,i could actually borrow some books about northern ireland conflict,n i found 2:D reading one of them now,n so far almost all my queries have been answered n omg i can remember the facts quite easily because they were all presented in such an interesting way!

haha so yes,i feel super accomplished.after this i think i'll read the ppt slides n textbook,n that's all for ih.

tomorrow i'll do bio,math n adv.lit(yes my mum helped me buy the book just now xD).

n i wanted to upload the dance sabbats vids but unfortunately it seems like it isn't working,so..:/

over n out~
under n in~

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~ Catfish <3

HAHA retarded catfish's at my houseee!

2008-07-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

It takes very little to get on my nerves these few days.

on a brighter note,i studied acids n bases after cca,while waiting for the catfish who woke up late to get to school.yeah then she FINALLY arrived at 12pm+ n we went to coro to buy lunch(takeaway) n bubbletea:D

then it was back to school for chem remedial which lasted 45mins n was..quite good i guess.just that it wasn't TOO effective cos we didn't prepare many qns to ask mr sit.but still,i learnt some.

after that we went to amk community library where my entire family was congregated,having escaped from our insanely noisy house due to our neighbouring house being under construction.sucky timing.but well the library isn't a bad place to mug.

anyway i managed to finish another chapter on salts before i started procrastinating,i.e. eating,reading n being lame xD catfish n i had unintentionally started a long list of words that basically mean "shit".LOL.

anyway,it's back to the library tomorrow,n i musn't procrastinate as much as i did today,else i won't be able to finish everything.catfish is probably coming tooo:D

tomorrow my schedule will be filled with:
IH
Math
Bio

all 1st round revision,of course:/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3 days to blocktests
14 days to performance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

buck up,girl.

2008-07-17T22:30:00.004+08:00

Found this on the web n omg it's totally true!

--

How to Develop Effective Study Habits
Get Better Marks for Less Effort
by Royane Real

If you're a student attending classes, you have probably experienced many moments when it was hard to make yourself settle down and study, even when an important exam was coming up.
If you're like most students, you put off studying until the very last minute. The night before the exam, you'll stay up all night cramming, getting little or no sleep. In the morning, you'll drag yourself out of bed, psych yourself up with lots of coffee and some cigarettes, and go into the exam feeling exhausted, drained and jittery all at the same time. You'll find it hard to focus or think, and you'll be cursing yourself for not starting to study sooner.

And not surprisingly, unless you're blessed with natural brilliance, or you happen to know the subject matter extremely well, you'll probably do terribly on the test.

If this is your typical method of studying, you already know it doesn't work. Every time you go through this ritual, you tell yourself that you're going to smarten up the next time you face a big exam. Next time you'll start to study weeks in advance, you say. But instead, you keep repeating this crazy pattern. Why does this keep happening? And what should you be doing instead if you want to get better marks?

A big problem for most people, especially those who are young students, is that life gets in the way. If you're a student, you probably have a part time job, and like most young people, you also want to have a social life.

Studying can seem very boring compared to all the exciting temptations just outside your door. Or the games on your computer. Even watching old reruns of Sesame Street can seem more interesting than the biology text your teacher is expecting you to master!

One reason we often don't start studying until the last possible minute is that we have misjudged how long it will actually take us to absorb and understand the material. If your mid-term is still six weeks away, that might seem like plenty of time left before you need to get around to studying. You might find however, that the subject matter is a lot harder to understand than you thought it would be, and all of a sudden there's no time left to ask someone to explain it to you.

Another reason we often put off starting to study is that we are too overwhelmed with how big the project actually seems to be. Somehow we convince ourselves that putting off a tough study project can be the best way to avoid feeling overwhelmed by it.

When we are faced with a study project that seems exceptionally difficult and overwhelming, it can be to maintain a high level of interest and motivation for the duration of the learning process.
If you have been guilty of all these bad study habits, it's not too late to learn some other habits that will work better for you.

First, remind yourself why you want to do better in your studies. Maybe you need a good mark to get into a good college. Maybe you want a chance at a career that will pay you well. Always keep your end goal in mind.

You can put little cards up around your room with inspirational messages, and attractive photographs that will remind you why you want to do well in school.

If you feel very overwhelmed, you can improve your motivation and your performance by breaking up the project into smaller sections, or "chunks". Each time you accomplish one little bit successfully, give yourself a meaningful reward.

If you have a deadline looming, decide how much of the project you need to tackle at one time.
Let's say you have six weeks to master the content of a difficult biology text. Looking through the book you realize that if you study one chapter each night, you can get through the book in 28 days, leaving two weeks in which you can again review the material.

With this knowledge you can pace yourself. You know what your assignment is. You know how much you need to read every night. Concentrate on the immediate task at hand. You don't need to feel overwhelmed by the entire book at one time. Next, work out a system of rewards for yourself. Give yourself a series of small rewards each time you master one chapter, and a larger reward for completing the entire book.

For rewards to work they must be immediate, and personally meaningful to you. There is no point in rewarding yourself with a new fishing rod if you hate fishing.

Rewards don't need to be material objects if there is something else that would really motivate and inspire you. How about attending a special concert, or taking a special trip? You decide. Get creative and think of something that will spur you to take action.

It's very important that the reward take place soon after the work has been accomplished. This creates a sense of positive reinforcement. Give yourself a small reward every time you finish a small part of the job, and a bigger reward when the project is completed. If there is too long a gap between the activity and the reward, it will not have the effect of reinforcing the desired activity.

Besides motivating yourself with a series of external rewards, learn to motivate yourself internally. Tell yourself you're a good learner. Tell yourself you enjoy learning. Tell yourself you enjoy giving your brain a good work out. Congratulate yourself for your efforts. Tell yourself you love acquiring new knowledge, and let yourself feel a joy in learning. Be proud of yourself for the work you do to gain more knowledge.

For information to sink into your brain and be accessible to you, you need to review it several times, and your brain needs to sleep properly for the memories to be encoded in your neurons. You need to reduce your mental stress. Your brain needs good nutrition and it needs to be in a peaceful, confident state. Drugs and alcohol don't help the process of learning.

Write out what you are learning in your own words, and find a learning buddy. Practice explaining to someone else what you have learned. This will increase the likelihood that your brain will remember it.

If you start to cram the night before, you are putting your brain at a big disadvantage.
You're increasing your physical and mental stress, and you're not giving yourself time to review the material several times. By cutting back on your sleep, you're not giving your brain a chance to put the information you've been studying into the hard drive storage of your brain.

By starting your studies early, and reviewing what you've learned, you have a much better chance of remembering and understanding what you need to know when you face a big exam.

--

okay,if u managed to read through the whole thing,u'll probably agree with it xD i think i'll try the rewards method cos i realise that the reason why i'm so demoralised about all this studying n blocktests is because i've no motivation n nothing that i look forward to afterwards.

n in my case it's not because i slacked away my time,it's cos i practically had no time to study these few days luh.i'm even owing quite alot of chinese homework,which was never the case until now.sighs.
i've been feeling more n more freaked out,worried,stressed,helpless n demoralised as blocktests approach..yesterday,after getting home only at 9pm+,i had to fight back tears several times throughout dinner.at one point,i couldn't hold them back anymore so a few spilled out but luckily no one noticed,because i just didn't feel like talking right then.

argh depressing.

now i can't even concentrate on my work because i've been sleeping really late for the past 2 days n am feeling zombie-ish n lethargic n SLEEPY.frick.

3 days left to mug.n i've only started bio.n there's cca in the morning tomorrow.n the house next door is freaking under construction so we HAVE to go to the library whenever we need to study.walaoeh can't even study at home in peace anymore.

n i lost my mnd.so i'm gonna have to get a new copy soon.like tomorrow.ughhh.

nothing's going right at all.

2008-07-14T23:47:00.002+08:00

OMIGOSH I'M ECSTATIC because i finally managed to convert our dance sabbats videos(which abby n i collected from ms sabrina only today lol) into a VIEWABLE format,aka .wma instead of that weird .bup which the instructor uploaded them as=.=

HAHA tomorrow abby will get to watch it xD

n whoever else from dance sabbats wants them can get them from meeee:D

2008-07-13T23:51:00.004+08:00

Nothing much to recount today,just that i watched the final episodes of da4chang2jin1 n am missing it already.of course,it isn't so bad since i still have some 10 or 20 episodes in between to watch.but still.

anyway,i haven't talked about what happened on friday,so here goes.

okay,the horror movie talk during sil was freaky as hell.this time i was even more freaked out by it n didn't dare to watch like 2 of the clips he showed,lol.even though the effect wasn't as strong in the hall as compared to the audi.i don't know what's my problem..i think it's because i was still affected by the previous talk he gave 2 weeks ago:/

well after that we were dismissed:D so i went to island creamery with steph n carissa n we all ordered cookies n cream icecream,somehow xD although steph's came with applepie n mine was on a float n carissa's was plain.haha i regretted ordering the float cos the combination of sprite n cookies n cream icecream somehow wasn't very nice:/:/

then after 10 minutes steph had to chiong to cca,so sad.yeah so catfish n i were left to mug there hahaha.i didn't accomplish much,just revised enzymes n made notes..sigh.oh well.at 2+pm we headed to coro to get bubbletea then went back to school n i went for cca.

which was eventful because a whole load of american visitors crowded into the dance studio halfway through practice n RIGHT WHEN WE WERE ABOUT TO REPEAT HUANG2HAI2ZI.like yikes.so we had to dance in front of them.after that laoshi decided to showcase zhong1guo2hua4 n feng1wu3yi1ren2.

haha apparently they seemed to enjoy the items alot cos they just stayed on n on until after feng1wu3 laoshi finally got hernhern to tell them that we had to leave for rehearsal at the hall.actually it was dinner before rehearsal but whatever.so they left.

quite a few teachers turned up to watch our rehearsal..which started a bit late n ended at like 8.40pm.oh yeah,i think i improved this time as compared to the last,which is a relief because i screwed hong2chou2 the last time.but in general the dances were still quite unrefined luh,so..

well u know what happened after that.

last thing:on thursday during pe(which was killer) we took height n weight n guess what?i'm 164.1cm now!HAHAHA.YAYS 1CM TALLER THAN STEPH:P 6cm more to my target height.i seriously hope i can reach it!

okay gtg now byees.

2008-07-12T17:04:00.002+08:00

Phew,yesterday was the latest i ever got back from school,which was like 10pm+ because rehearsal ended late n i had to take the bus since my dad went off to malaysia.blahs.

more tomorrow.

2008-07-10T23:06:00.006+08:00

Oh gosh i'm feeling really stressed.but somehow irrationally happy o.O

i just realised today that,as of tomorrow,there'll be only 10 days left before blocktests II.n i practically haven't started mugging yet.not counting the bit of bio i did last week or something n the regular math remedial sessions.

10 days!!5 of which are schooldays!3 or 4 of which there's cca!how do i finish everything regarding bio,chem,math,ih n adv.lit??okay,that's the part of me that's freaking out.

but then there's the other part that says "calm down,as long as u go according to a slightly more packed schedule,there's no problem."(but sheesh i really don't know if i'll have the discipline to do that.ANYWAY.i'll give it my best.) that part reasons that,if i could finish one topic of bio in one hour plus,then i can finish all 5 topics in one day if i did some serious cramming,right?

plus all the easier papers come first.that's a relief.

anyway i've set up a rough schedule for myself.i've got around 4 free slots next week,so i shall arrange to have more math n chem remedial:D math remedial especially is supereffective.before i had one on functions,i was almost totally clueless about it n would've failed that quiz for sure.then just after one or two sessions,i actually had a pretty good understanding of the topic!hahaha.

yays tomorrow we'll be dismissed at 12.15pm!i'm gonna go for lunch with catfish steppie n maybe her friend:D n unfortunately steppie's cca starts at 1pm(mine's at 3pm lalala) so after that i'll probably mug with catfish.hope it'll be efficient;D

oh yes tomorrow's a slackish day because there are only 2 proper lessons n i'm looking forward to a superinteresting SIL whereby there will be the sequel of the talk on horror movies:P

okay shall mug bio now.posts these days will be shorter of courseee.

wows i'm like feeling so motivated now,lol.just hope it lasts.cya~

p.s:today's my mum's birthday:D so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM:D:D but-whoops-i've been too busy to go shop for a nice present!guess it'll have to be belated then:X

2008-07-09T23:02:00.001+08:00

Arghhh i was sick yesterday:/ flu n sore throat.so yeah i skipped school hahaha.

whoops gtg.more tomorrow!

2008-07-06T23:49:00.004+08:00

Okay,i think my estimation of the class earnings was a bit off,but whatever.

let's just say it was around $500,okay?xD

anyway,i found this quiz on amanda's blog n decided to do it,so..

1. Were you named after anyone?
Don't think so..
There seems to be alot of leejiawens around though.
Any actress with that name that I didn't know of?

2. When was the last time you cried?
A few days ago,I guess.Not that I used to cry so often..

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Yeah(:
Just that I don't want it to stay like that when I'm 30+!

4. What is your favourite lunch meat?
Wait,isn't meat just meat?
No special preference,really.

5. Do you have kids?
Um,no?
N I don't know if I want any in the future,yet.

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Describe that "other person"'s personality first.

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Sometimes..

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Uh..why shouldn't I?

9. Would you bungee jump?
Mayyybeee.

10. What is your favourite cereal?
..Don't consume alot of that stuff.

11. Do you untie your shoelaces when you take them off?
Yeah,else I can't wear my shoes again,lol.

12. Do you think you are strong?
Physically or emotionally?o.O
N IDK.

13. What is your favourite ice-cream?
If you're talking about flavour,it's cookies n cream:D

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Looks,I guess.What else?

15. Red or Pink?
PINK,any day;D

16. What is the least favourite thing about yourself?
Hmmmm..the fact that I tend to be hopelessly reserved in a big group.

17. Who do you miss the most?
Well,it's hard to say.

18. Do you want everyone to send this back to you?
They can post it on their blogs if they want to xD

19. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing?
Hotpink shorts;D expected?
No shoes on.

20. What was the last thing you ate?
Does swallowing pills count?:/

21. What are you listening to right now?
Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne.

22. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
PINK.pastel.

23. Favourite smell?
NO IDEA HAHAHA.

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Abby,this morning.

25. Do you like the person who sent this?
Actually I koped this off Amanda's blog:D

26. Favourite sport to watch?
Does dance qualify??xD
If not I guess it'll be artistic gym or badminton..

27. Hair colour?
Black..n some brown.

28. Eye colour?
Light brown:D don't know if it qualifies as hazel.

29. Do you wear contacts?
On special occasions;D

30. Favourite food?
Pizzaaaaa n most other types of western food.

31. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings,definitely.

33. What colour shirt are you wearing?
UH,pink:X not that I'm all-pink everyday.

34. Summer or winter?
Winter,of course.I think most Singaporeans would agree.

35. Hugs or kisses?
Can I have both?xD
N it depends who I'm with,if you know what I mean.

36. Favourite dessert?Ice cream,I guess.

37. Most likely to respond?
Huh?As in person?IDK.

38. Least likely to respond?
IDK LUH.

39. What book are you reading right now?
MOB princess:for money n love.
Just got back from the library with 4 delightful books,so yeah xD
All chic-lit.Whoops.

40. What's on your mouse pad?
My mouse.DUH.

41. What did you watch on TV last night?
I don't usually watch TV,okay?

42. Favourite sound?
Music.

43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
No idea how Rolling Stones songs are like.
I doubt I'd like them,though.

44. What's the farthest you've been from home?
China:/

45. Do you have a special talent?
If I have one,I guess I haven't discovered it yet!
Was born pretty much an all-rounder,but I don't think I'm particularly good in anything:/ sadddd.

46. Where were you born?
Singapore.

47. Place you want to visit before you die?
How morbid.Let's rephrase it:What are my dream destinations?
LONDON N PARIS!

48. What do you look forward to throughout the week?
NOTHING.Seriously.

49. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?
I've learnt not to expect:P

50. What time is it now?
11.49pm.Yikes.

Do not read the questions. Name 20 people first.

1.Steph
2.Carissa
3.Abigail
4.Huai Chyn
5.Yunn Tinn
6.Cynthia
7.Zhi Jian
8.Garrett
9.Amanda
10.Hazel
11.Steffi
12.Eunice
13.Jasmine
14.Kevin
15.Jeremy
16.Dad
17.Mum
18.Bro
19.Sis
20.Aunt

How do you meet number 14 (Kevin)?
He's my cousin who's the same age as me n lives in USA;D
Um I guess I met him when we were both babies n his family still lived here?

What would you do if you did not meet number 1 (Steph)?
I really can't imagine!
HAHA STEPPIE BESTIES FOREVER<33

What if number 9 (Amanda) and 20 (Aunt) dated each other?
UM,EXCUSE ME BUT NO.
I'd absolutely die.

Describe number 3 (Abigail).
Ohh..spastic,high,affectionate,outspoken,pretty,has similar interests as me!:D

Do you think number 8 (Garrett) is attractive?
Wait,skip that.

Describe number 7 (Zhi Jian).
Physical appearance?Tall.Tanned.Um..has curly hair?
Okay,whatever,I'm not so sure about personality.Not anymore.

Do you know any of number 12's (Eunice) family members?
HAHA she's my cousin so I'm part of her extended family!:P
Yeah,of course.

What langugue(s) do number 5 (Yunn Tinn) speak?
English,Chinese(I hope!:P),SLANG N LINGO HAHAHA.

Who always hangs out with number 9 (Amanda)?
In class it's Shiyun,I guess.

How old is number 16 (Dad) this year?
Um.Wait.I think it's 50.

When was the last time you spoke to number 13 (Jasmine)?
I guess like a month ago at our last family gathering?:D

Who is number 2's (Carissa) favourite singer or band?
Uh-oh.Is it lollipop??lol.

Have you ever dated number 4 (Huai Chyn)?
Wth,I'm not les=.=

What is number 10's (Hazel) last name?
Goh?

Would you ever be in a relationship with number 11 (Steffi)?
NO WAYY haha she's my evil junior who actually bullies me!

Which school is number 3 (Abigail) studying in?
NYGH.Same as me.

Where does number 6 (Cynthia) stay?
Oops,no idea.

What is your favourite thing about number 5 (Yunn Tinn)?
She was my childhood friend since I was 6 n she was 5!N we still remain friends,of course.

Have you ever seen number 2 (Carissa) naked?
HELL NOOOO.

pretty interesting,really.but that last question was totally grossssss haha i'm sure catfish agrees with me=.=

as u probably know,i went to the library again,but this time i actually requested it.n i did more reading than revision..oops:X hahaha.

omg i'm so happy i found the book i've been looking for for ages!"Violet by Design" by Melissa Walker.THE sequel to "Violet on the Runway" which i have n love!<3

well gtg,cya.

2008-07-05T23:24:00.004+08:00

Whoa,i broke a lifetime record today by waking up at 4pm+!

couldn't believe it at first.i thought the clock was spoilt,so i triple-checked,first with the clock downstairs,then with my phone.omg.i guess i was really sleep-deprived.

n i think i broke another record since a few months ago yesterday.won't say what:P n actually i don't dare to confirm it,but i'm convinced that i did break the record.which is..great,i guess.no,wait-it's really bittersweet.

well,youth day funfair was the bomb-even though i didn't really walk around or buy stuff-n 312's haunted house was a success!:D

haha we earned like $504 in total?i think.n that beat the sec1 highest earning class record LOL.for sec3 it was 310 with $700+,n overall it was $1000+ raised by 413(they did haunted house as well)!like whoa.

anyway it was damn fun being a ghost n many people said our class's makeup was the best!:D oh n everyone said i looked like a bratz doll o.O with my two tousled ponytails n cherryred lips n black top+hotpink miniskirt hahaha.well idk if i looked really scary luh but i definitely looked like a doll,which was the point!HAHA.shall see if i can get the pic that chongmin took of me.

well things didn't really go according to plan,which was v normal of course,since it usually turns out that way,but the point was that everyone had fun(i hope) n we all put in effort to make this a success.

scaring people was fun hahaha.there was one group which was too scared to even pass by me luh,even though i was just a "doll on display"(i was the first ghost they'd see when they came in hahaha).i just crawled towards them slowly n stared up at them then they freaked out already!=.= lol.

yeah so maybe the original plan didn't include dolls on display actually crawling around,but that was during the 3rd shift when everything got quite mixed up n people didn't turn up for their shifts.n maybe i was supposed to be doing publicity but there weren't many people stationed in the haunted house,so..:/ n anyway we were all walking around when it wasn't our shifts already so what's the point of publicity?xD

oh there were some super idiotic people as well.like during the 1st shift(which was the best),2 people acted damn pro n started talking to us,saying "are u okay?" blahblahblah.which i just ignored(i should've just hissed "no" n see what they'd say lol).then one of them like dropped down when amanda he went towards them.n amanda he did the same.so they had like a who-can-lie-on-the-floor-for-a-longer-time contest LOL.freaking funny.fyi amanda "won" in the end since another group came in n they had to move on:P HAA.

then during the 3rd shift i hid under the tables n stuck out my hand to try to grab people's legs luh.n there was another group of act-pros who came in n when i stuck my hand out one of them reached past the garbage bags n grabbed my other hand.walaoeh so asshole.i regret not grabbing HERS n trapping it there,cos i totally could.hold it there,i mean.

anyway,that aside,we were generally successful in spooking people out,even though some groups weren't freaked during the 3rd shift.n oh idk why the door kept opening halfway.it totally ruins the effect luh.imagine that u're freaking out n screaming halfway in the darkness,n suddenly light streams in n u can see everything.obviously u'll snap outta ur spooked state.

the 1st shift was really good i tell u.although i was initally doubtful,because i wasn't scared myself,but probably because it was our own haunted house luh n also because i tend not to be scared of haunted houses,as i've said before,almost all the groups that came in screamed(at least,i hope it wasn't just all our people screaming xD) n everyone played their roles brilliantly.i couldn't see what was going on INSIDE,because i was like at the first part of the maze,but i could still hear right.of course,i wish i could have an idea of what it looked like inside.oh well.

after the funfair i went to coro to have lunch with jiawen(NOT myself) natalee n carissa,because i practically didn't eat during the funfair,sadd.then we met chongmin n estee there,so we congregated hahaha.

then it was-oh,joy-cca time.but it was okay,really.besides,i need to persist n also buck up because there's only about 3 weeks to our performance,omg.so i shan't complain about the fact that we've rehearsal on home learning day.it's damn sad-afterall it's home learning,n right before blocktests-but well,it's also just a week before our performance.anyway we had a fullrun(with emcees) in the hall from 6pm all the way to 8pm.kinda tiring,but it went well.although,as laoshi said,all the dances were pretty unrefined.so that's what we have to work on now.

yeah i returned home v late,that's why i didn't post yesterday.

n actually i wasn't in the mood of posting when i started out,but it looks like i've spurned out quite a long post here xD n i shall skip the deco(again).

YAYS monday's a holiday in lieu of youth day,n guess what?no cca for me!:D

2008-07-03T23:11:00.003+08:00

I'm sorta high now:D

it's nygh youth day funfair tomorrow!n 312 is putting up a haunted house,CHILD'S PLAY xD yes the theme is creepy haunted dolls n i'm gonna be dressed up as something like barbie since i dunno what else i should be=.= i'm a doll on display during my first shift n doing publicity(aka walking around acting emo) during my other shift,hehehe.

today after photoshooting for huanghaizi n hongchou(yupps our costumes have arrived n we put on n changed makeup like super hastily),i was about to go home n was already at the busstop when i suddenly thought about our class's preparation for funfair.so i started calling catfish to see if anyone's still doing stuff so i can join in,n who should i see walking towards the schoolgate but catfish,sylvia n wanting.like omg what a coincidence,haha.so i went with them to 301 classroom where our haunted house is located.

n was initially surprised to see the tables all rearranged to form a maze.n there were quite a few people there,starting to cover up all the spaces where light could shine through n everything.so i just started helping n got really amused by all the climbing onto ledges n maskingtape-covered people like hongkai,sylvia n carissa.although the ledge part was damn dirty n caused one of my eyes to swell abit(it's subsided already).not to mention quite hard to withstand n everything.still,it was fun.

after we've about completed everything,which was at like 6pm+,we experienced our own haunted house by switching off all the lights n playing scary music,hahaha.it was damn coool omg.then practically everyone was screaming their head off while i remain undeterred LOL.don't ask me why,i just tend not to be freaked out by haunted houses.lalala.

so at the end suat n lanxin got scared of me,asking if i were "one of them" n saying how i looked potentially creepy o.O although what wide eyes have to do with it idk luh,haha.n wth i do not have a freaky smile!!lol.

stupid 855 took an insanely long time to come,n amanda told me that another one arrived just after i boarded the first one=.= so obviously the first bus was freaking late.n i got home at almost 9pm luhhh.

shall not do any work today cos i have to sleep earlier,or else i'll totally collapse tomorrow because not only is there still cca after the funfair,it lasts till 8pm+.yes,i'm totally intimidated by the length of time to be spent rehearsing dances.

one last thing before i go prepare all my makeup n costumes n whatever for tomorrow:my mum apparently won this lianhezaobao competition for the overall healthiest person who attended this health seminar not long ago.n the prize money was $1000 o.O like woww.although i still can't believe it,i'm proud of her ahahaa.

n oh yes,wearing contacts rocks.n everyone says i look better without specs.just that i can't do it everyday:/ sadd.oh well.

no time to decorate the post,so byebye(:

let's hope our haunted dollhouse will be a success!

2008-07-02T23:51:00.003+08:00

YAYS i only have one problem bugging me left.

n that's problem 2.

more tomorrow.

btw laoshi was suan-ing me today:/ lol.

but whatever,i don't care:D i'm a happy girl again:D:D

2008-07-01T23:58:00.004+08:00

TODAY'S A HORRIBLE DAY.

EVERYTHING'S GOING WRONG N SCREWING UP.

N I THINK MY LIFE'S TURNING INTO A WRECK.

the thing is,practically all of my problems n troubles weren't caused by me.if not i'll be blaming myself!!

but no,i was the innocent in all three MAJOR problems,n i'm not trying to push the blame to others or anything,so..

anyway,i totally do NOT wanna think about those anymore.i'll just say that,for problem 1,i swear i didn't receive any notification so i had NO IDEA about it.besides,this was the only time i missed hongchou practice(okay fine i've said what problem 1's cause was but figure out the actual problem urself).

problem 2:i clearly stated what i wanted on the list,n apparently they told me there were problems during collation n stuff,so now i might not actually get the tickets i ordered.for my family.WAIT,THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING,RIGHT???to think i thought the $40 tickets selling out as well was a good thing.oh effff.

as for problem 3,well,whatever.i've tried long and hard enough(but apparently u're too blind to notice anything),to no avail.so i'm simply giving up.n i wonder why i didn't,long before this.i guess i needed to snap outta that trance first.

well,now i'm out of it,u hear me?O.U.T.

n after the hurt has passed(right now i still feel like screaming at some asshole freak.no,actually it'll be better if i never ever see that person again)..i'm gonna be a happy,carefree girl again(well,not quite.but u should know what i mean).~~plus there are many BIGGER fish out in the sea.i just need to find them.~~

i'm kinda relieved to be doing this,really.n willing.i might need something to help me pull through,that's all.

anyway,that basically sums up my troubles.

gawd,the injustice of it all.

2008-06-30T22:06:00.003+08:00

Oh gosh,i feel like screaming out all the swear words i ever learnt right now.

but no,i must be civilised,hurhur.n anyway i've vented out alot on msn already,so..

haha i think the only swear words i used(but repeatedly) were "freaking","dammit","walao","wth" n "wtf".which aren't that bad,really,considering how EMOTIONAL i was xD not that i'm over it now luh.just..better.

n come to think of it,maybe i don't care that much anymore.i mean,why should i?

i deserve better.

anyway,gtg now.more tomorrow.

btw math remedial was totally helpful because i finally sorta understood functions;D

n i'm currently feverishly reading books that i borrowed from the library on saturday.hahaha.

2008-06-29T23:08:00.003+08:00

Earlier today,i was feeling quite bright n all.

now,though,i'm filled with this inexplicable down-ness.sighs.

i guess it's gotta do with all that stress,vexation n indecisiveness i've been feeling.amongst other stuff.

no time to elaborate now.i still have loads of work to do,a chinese file to arrange n a math quiz to study for.n i need to go offline like now.

DAMMITTTTTT.

the tables are turned(maybe even the chairs are,too=.=)

2008-06-28T22:15:00.002+08:00

These two days have been great:D

especially yesterday,which was totally exhausting but unexpectedly wonderful.

i say unexpected because i totally forgot about the performance,B-boyz & Ballerina,that i was supposed to watch with my mum at the esplanade last night.i only remembered it when i saw her sms after school:X hahaha.

anyway during sil the speaker was this guy who's taking his PhD on asian horror films.wow,i think it was the only sil so far that's captured everyone's attention(the few who might've been sleeping at first were definitely awaken by all the screaming HAHA).

he showed us a few clips,n the first one was FREAKY AS HELL.at first i wasn't really scared,because i was expecting that sudden shock that always occurs after every period of unnatural silence.so when everyone around me screamed,i stayed composed lol.BUT it got freakier by the minute.by the end of the clip i'd screamed like anything n was as scared as everyone else.

..omigosh don't remind me.i was even afraid to go about alone last night.well the presentation was really interestingg.n YAYS he's actually coming again in two weeks!:D i dunno why since this is the only exception so far,but who cares.

after cca(which ended at almost 7pm=.=) she picked me up n we went to the esplanade.i had my dinner in the car lol.after we got there we went to have icecream at haagen-dazs(forget the accents xD),then entered the concert hall,which was enormous.i wonder if that's where we'll be performing too.

my view was like brilliant because we managed to book seats right smack in the centre of the front row of circle one,which was on the second level.so our view was entirely clear,the angle was good n it wasn't too far away.

the performance was seriously amazing!!there was a mixture of b-boy,hiphop n ballet.the b-boy parts,which make up most of the dance,were STUNNING.the stunts were unbelievable omg,there were all these poses in the air,supported by just one hand or the head,n superhigh jumps,n spinning on the floor on their heads.everyone was wow-ing n cheering like crazyy.

the hiphop part was cool as well!HAHA i could recognise popping n locking n all that xD i like the "girl type",even though some actions were abit too,um,wild for me i guess.is that grrlpower course steppie tried out like that?cos if it is,i wanna sign up!

the ballet wasn't so pro,but it was..quite okay.but it's like the least portrayed out of the three,ironically.i mean,look at the name of the show.anyway,whatever luh,it wasn't bad either.

at the end the audience all wanted an encore n they came out n did a long series of dance moves again:D i think it was rehearsed luh.but it had that spontaneous feel,u know?lol.

omg i'm so envious,all the people who sat near the front on level one got to interact quite alot with the actors!n at one point a clown even came down n started randomly flinging sculpted balloons around lolll.i want one too:/ although i have no idea how that part was related to the show..haha.

woke up late today,n found out that i HAD to go to the library because the rest of the family was there because the house next-door was under construction n it was freaking noisy so my sibs couldn't study properly.

SPEAKING OF WHICH the bloody hammering n drilling woke me up damn early in the morning.i was so frigging pissed okay!here i am,desperately needing more rest n deprived of it because of this.my gosh,we weren't even allowed to sleep on in peace at our own house..?!n had my dad not negotiated with them to start only at 8am+,they would've started at 7am luh!well thank god i managed to go back to sleep.i guess i was still really tired.

anyway i was veryvery reluctant to go to the library at first since i didn't wanna change n go out n all.one,i was still tired.n lazy.two,i spend enough time out of the house already lorr.i should at least get a chance to stay in during the weekends right?

but no,both my parents insisted that i went,n my mum freaking hung up on me just because she thought that would leave me with no choice.as if.still,i went in the end since my dad totally blackmailed me(although he claimed it wasn't blackmailing.like real it wasn't).

okay,as much as i hate to admit it,studying at the library is quite effective.partly because my mum was there nagging at me to "have self-discipline" when i got some books to read.so i started reading the chapter on enzymes in my bio textbook,since i felt i wasn't completely familiar with it.

n i finished reading through it n highlighting stuff within like one hour o.O which was quite fast.since we've covered 6 chapters so far this year(only realised it today) n if i took an hour for each i'd finish everything in just six hours.lol.

after that i went back to reading:D n borrowed 3 books with my sister's card because mine had too many outstanding charges:X crappps.

yepps,that's basically about it.we might go to the library again tomorrow if the construction workers work on sundays.i don't know if i want them to or not..

oh yeah,i retook the badminton theory test yesterday.i finished in like one minute,seriously xD cos i looked over the test again(yes everything including my result was still recorded in that stupid lms so why it was reflected as zero i have NO IDEA) n pretty much knew all the answers.so well i'm quite positive i got full marks again:D:D

woah,this turned out to be a superlong post.shall rant more tomorrow.

n just when i'm about to move on,i'm pulled back again.

2008-06-27T02:55:00.004+08:00

Omg it's so late already.

but no choice,there are 3 projects due tomorrow:/ bio report,chinese report n l.a presentation.gosh.

that plus the fact that i came home late from math remedial(yes i decided to have it today instead cos tomorrow's lunchbreak might be taken) is enough to stress the shit out of anyone.lol.i didn't even bother joining in a class conversation on msn nor talk to huaichynnie n catfish n..a few others:X haha soo sorry.

n i still finished so late.wow.i think it's owing to the fact that my chinese sucks luh.i researched in english n translated the whole block of info into chinese..at a superslow pace(which would've been doubly slow if it hadn't been for my mum's help-my saviour!:D).hurhur.

i'm feeling kinda guilty now,because youth day funfair is coming up in barely more than a week,n i haven't been contributing much to 312.i mean,they were corresponding n setting deadlines during the holidays,but i just didn't have the time to think about funfair stuff:/ like,i didn't even manage to finish my work?

so yeah,SORRY 312!!now that everything's more or less settled,n projects are over n done with after tomorrow(wait,much later on today actually=.=),i shall contribute more.idk how exactly,but i'll figure out,i guess.

plus after..certain incidents n everything,everyone's like,more motivated n determined than ever.hahaha.okay so let's jiayou:D

sighs.recently i've been feeling so stressed n demoralized(kinda) n exhausted,i've resorted to icecream therapy n stoning or reflecting in the silent,peaceful dining room.for a couple of times already.n it really does provide temporary destressment.but oh gosh,what's the matter with me?i must sustainnn.

i just have to pull through this month,n everything will seem worth it in the end!just.one.month.

but wth that makes me think of blocktests approaching fast.ARGHHH i must shut that out.not ignore,shut out.um actually idk what's the exact difference.i guess it's not to dwell on it n get demoralized,but work on it n be aware of it luh.ah whatever.

this term's pe module is basketball.hurhur.idk if i'll like it yet.so far it's o-kayy.the worst thing is that we have to be under the scorching sun all the time.unlike badminton last term.no wonder i liked that..lol.

i think i'm experiencing more emotions than ever now,n am quitequite confused about..stuff.sometimes i don't get it,sometimes i wonder..

like about why exactly am i feeling like this these few days,n whether i really mean it n can keep it up.i'm not sure,myself:/ but yeah,i'm definitely coping better now.maybe i don't need it desperately,after all.

will crap more on SATURDAY,when i'm actually FREE.well more free than now anyway.i need the pathetic bit of sleep i can get right now,before i become something worse than a zombie.today i slept the most i ever did on the bus on the way home.n was still drowsy when i alighted.what does that imply??

hope i don't collapse during cca tomorrow lol.

don't know if i'll log on.

i wish i could be like in leavin' by jesse mccartney.aka my new blog song.

"no more making you cry, no more them gray skies
girl we flying on the G5 G5"

2008-06-25T22:36:00.003+08:00

Haha my tagboard's dead;D but whatever,i've never been particularly fond of replying tags anyway.

i'm pretty exhausted from everything..reached home quite late:/ at least cca's only during lunchtime tomorrow..

currently listening to jesse mccartney songs to destress,hahaha.his songs are soo nice luh.n it doesn't hurt that he's drop-dead gorgeous:P i likeee.

argh so pissifying.the badminton module marksheet was passed around today,n what did i see but a big fat zero under "theory".apparently there was a freaking error or something n lots of people are in the same retarded situation as me.

n wth,there's a RETEST during friday lunchbreak,ohhhh EFF.that's the only available slot which i can have my math remedial for the whole of this week,for goodness' sake!n i initially got full marks okayokayokay??u mean it's all washed down the drain already or something???now my score is only 72 excluding theory,when it could've been like 90.soo shitty.oh well,shall see what i can do.

anyway,i didn't mean to rush through my post yesterday,but i had to,like always nowadays.but i'm also rushing this post,so..i guess i shall elaborate when i feel like it n when i have the time.

by the way,laoshi was kinda temperamental today.abit freaky,hurhur.sometimes she can be sorta demanding luh.but i guess that's the way it is.

i'd crap more,but i've gotta rush homework n go to sleep NOW.various sias all due these couple of weeks.arghhh damn stressful.

won't bother decorating the post.again;D

2008-06-24T22:36:00.003+08:00

"Are u in love right now?"
"Sure..i'm deeply in love with an image u never were."

Today's been fairly good:D

lessons were okay luh.no math,so no risk of falling asleep xD for once,i actually totally understood the recap we did in chem.which was on ionic equations luh.i'm so glad i went for remedial during the hols hahaha.

cca was quite slackish after the kicks,jumps n leaps haha.as usual.but it was okay cos we got to stay in the dance studio:D i just loaned my entire pencilcase to jessica they all n watched them design n colour some logos for their yfc project.lol.

for once in a longgg time,we were dismissed earlier..like around 6.10pm?so yays we got to go home earlier.oh yeah,today i met alot of people i knew at both busstops while waiting.hurhur.

seeing one person made me suddenly realise something.it's kinda like..awakening from a daze or something.

i'm seeing it all so clear now.

well,almost.i'm still doubtful.but one thing's for sure,i'm out of that stage now.suddenly,finally.just like that.

n i'm ever so relieved.

of course,it's not as if everything's gone from my mind all of a sudden.there's still feelings n emotions.but some of them are..different.

i believe in leaving things to fate more than ever after this.

it hasn't died off completely,n i'm willing to maybe give it another try,but i'm no longer being controlled.if u know what i mean.

bidding goodbye to that stage.see u around.

2008-06-23T16:05:00.004+08:00

[Posting from school library]

yupps it's currently 4pm n i'm staying back in school,initially to complete zuowen7 with abby but now obviously procrastinating while abby watches 'sicko' for ih.yes,the one i rushed out yesterday;D it took about 9 whole hours to finish it,minus all the miscellanous stuff.

well today's lessons weren't bad.in fact,it was a pretty slack first day back.yeah,before the stress starts building up again.first period was chinese.chai didn't come(again) n left us with torturous 公函.i only managed to hand it in after school=.= i write zuowens at snail's pace,okay?

anyway,adv. lit after that,which was great because we got to watch another version of mnd:D it was..not as good as the other one,in my opinion.in terms of standard,acting,scenery n stuff..n also the characters,who were all damn ugly.excuse the bluntness.but seriously,not one was even good-looking lol.n the males were insanely gay.especially puck.quoting abby,he "goes around humping everyone" HAHA.even the parts that weren't supposed to be sick at all appeared sick.n guys kissed guys like OMGG.it was so freaking wrong=.= oh well.

after break was lang arts,n we meet birchwood again for the second time in the day.oh yeah,she kept getting the schedule mixed up or something,so we were slacking in class for v long before we finally were informed to go up to the library..again.first trip was during adv. lit.we just discussed about this teacher,fan meizhong,who shot out of the classroom after he realised there was an earthquake,leaving his students behind.n wasn't remorseful at all when he admitted it afterwards.

well,in my opinion,it isn't wrong for an ORDINARY person to save himself.his reasons were..acceptable,for any other person who wasn't,like,a teacher.because 1.teachers are responsible for the students under them at any point of time.unspoken,but kinda expected. 2.i thought a teacher should be caring and loving(as in 有爱心) towards his students?i mean,if his objective is just to teach,get it over with n claim his salary,then he sucks as a teacher n deserves to be sacked.that's what i think luh.

math was the last lesson,n i was-unbelievably-falling asleep.damn,how can this be?it's only the first day back!either i must get more sleep or there's something about mrs ng's voice that just puts me to sleep o.O anyway we just went through corrections for worksheets.

so all in all,it was a relatively relaxing day.but i've to complete my accumulated pile of work when i get back luh.sigh.at least many people also haven't finished everything xD it makes me feel better,somehow.

i had another crazy dream last night,n it was something related to school reopening.i must've been really dreading it lol.the reason is simple:because i feel like i haven't gotten enough rest nor sleep n it's as if there hadn't really been a holiday at all.won't elaborate any further.all i can say is,look up the word "holiday" in the dictionary,if u haven't already done it.lol.

shall go make a probably-fruitless attempt at constructing a 200-word chinese poem now.it's part of zuowen7 of course.which i have a feeling will get a 'fail'.

2008-06-22T23:48:00.002+08:00

Arghh post-holiday blues.

i must've been out of my mind,looking forward to lessons.haa i'm taking that back now.

finished ih,which makes me feel accomplished because it was an entire thick report by the time i attached all the references to the 6-page essay.

unfortunately..i still haven't touched my zuowen7.not to mention math stuff.shit.

i shall brace myself..

2008-06-21T23:36:00.003+08:00

Okay nothing much to say..

just that i gave up on going for the hiphop open house thingy myself,haha.cos i woke up really late.which delayed my homework time n everything.oh wells.

oh i had an insane dream last night.it was,like,half a nightmare.but at least there were some nice parts also luh.that's why it was especially weird.it was an in-between o.O n it had like bits of many things..like um hospitalization n surgery,resulting in the delay of going back to school(i was happy lol),even da4chang2jin1 stuff(i must be mad) n..other things.

today was another type-2 day.besides being a slack one.cos i just re-watched 'Sicko' n worked on the IH assignment a bit.omg,i'm so gonna die tomorrow.ARGH why did i have to wake up so late??i'm gonna set the alarm for tomorrow morning.

i'm dreading the start of school because of incomplete work.but i'm actually sorta..looking forward to lessons.wait,is that possible??well anyway i think i'm gonna take back my words by the end of first week.lol.

especially since i just found out that i've finale rehearsals every thursday now.which means..i'll have to stay back in school every day.craps.BUT the main problem is that i think it'll clash with my remedial sessions.shittt.now what?i'm totally swamped n lack of time.sigh.what a fiasco.

end of post.(n i'm not gonna bother bolding,italic-ing or underlining anything.hurhur.)

2008-06-20T17:48:00.002+08:00

I was about to post a whole ton of ventings in here but thought the better of it xD anyway i'm feeling muchmuch better now,so..forget it.

i just hope that my parents will change their minds n allow me to go to try out hiphop lessons with steph tomorrow.that is,if i finish my homework.i mean,it'll be just too much if they don't even allow me this bit of fun luh.i practically didn't do anything especially interesting throughout the whole holiday okay.

PLUS dance is my one major interest n it might just be a prospective career!so how can they ruin my would-be future career??lol.oh well.we'll see.

abby wanted me to go with her to try out a grade 4 ballet lesson todayy.n i was quite interested but of course,my parents said the expected "no".however,i'm completely against their reason.in my opinion,it's kinda outrageous.but well,what can i do?

today is another typical day.oh wait,it's a type-2 typical day.basically,there are two types of typical days for me now,hurhur.won't elaborate just yet.

ohh i just realised what caused my mood to lighten so much.it's the fact that we just had our weekly "video night"!hahaha.what??it's well-deserved n long-awaited okay!:P

my aunt came over just now n gave me a load of accessories,like rubberbands(those used to tie hair luh),clips n hairbands.yay:D n haha she was long-winded as usual,but it wasn't as bad as i expected,so..phew xD

anyway,i tried chionging my work luh.i'm somewhat satisfied with my accomplishment.which is bio sia n 2 book reviews.which isn't that much,if u think about it.damn,i need to be more efficient tomorrow.

plan?to finish ih assignment once n for all,n zuowen7 which has me stumped,n hopefully the 2 remaining book reviews.gosh,that's alot.i have to wake up earlier.

which means i should also sleep earlier tonight.okay then,ciao.

2008-06-19T23:48:00.004+08:00

Rahh i don't feel like blogging today..

n i don't think i should dwell on past events anymore,either.so,no update as to what has been happening for the past..10 days:D

oh wait but i should probably mention the insane full dress rehearsals we had at the audi from monday to wednesday(didn't go on monday cos i wasn't feeling well).well it wasn't exactly full dress for me since the costumes for both the dances i'm in aren't out yet:P but we all put on makeup,n did our hair.

huang2hai2zi's hairstyle is wayy complicated.can't manage to do it myself,sighs.i don't even know how to describe it!lol.hong2chou2's hairstyle,on the other hand,is wayy simple.n coool xD it's like,just a high ponytail made frizzy.sounds eeky?nevermind,u need to see it to like it hehe.

the makeup was glamorous but kinda irritating.especially the lipstick,which dries up after some time,causing ur lips discomfort.yeah i suppose there are nerves there as well,or something.

oh n i need to get a "tanner" foundation lol.cos sylvia was there taking photos n she said i looked damn pale:/ aiya i think my foundation was meant for tanned people who wanna look fairer,not for already hopelessly fair people to look like ghosts.

met carissa at jec today,after going there from cca of course=.= ate n did homework at macs for like 2 hours+,then went up to the iceskating rink:D to iceskate:D:D yes n catfish lent me one of her gloves cos i stupidly forgot to bring mine.so each of us wore one LOL.it was funnnn.haven't iceskated for like..months?i so miss it..

as i said yesterday,my entire com crashed,n unfortunately,the last time i used it,i had to shut it down halfway because of the storm.therefore i didn't manage to get all my things done for the day.n after that,i tried n failed to start up the com.soo shitty.

anyway,thank god the computer guy managed to retrieve my documents!when i heard that the whole system crashed n we had to change the cpu n all the documents were gone on tuesday after coming back from an exhausting full dress rehearsal,i totally freaked n was in tears.cos i thought i lost everything for good.n had to redo all my work.

but yays the repair guy took like 6 hours n finally retrieved everything in the d drive!!omg i love him.not in that sense,of course=.=

now i gotta chiong homework.shit,i'm freaking worried that i won't be able to finish everything.n wth,it's not like i was slacking throughout the hols.quite the opposite,i would think.

oh well.c'est la vie.

2008-06-18T23:03:00.003+08:00

Haven't posted for a freaking long time cos my com crashed=.=

more tomorrow.

2008-06-09T23:49:00.003+08:00

I GOT CONTACTS!:D

even though it's just 35 days' worth of dailies haha.yupps after the torturous hong2chou2 practice in the morning,i went to thomson plaza to meet the rest of my family.after lunch my mum n i went to eyewear optics(that's where i get my specs) n looked for our optician,patrick.

this sounds crazy,but he kinda reminds me of that minzhenghao guy in da4chang2jin1=.= omgg.it's not like he has a goatee or that he looks like those ancient-times people or whatever luh,it's just..his look.as in features.hahaa.

anyway,i tried on like 3 brands of contact lenses.the first time getting it in was FREAKY as hell,n my eyes were tearing like anything.then i had to make 5 attempts or so before i finally got it in.it felt weirdd.walked around the place a bit,went to popular to read before going back.

only to be informed that the size of the lenses was apparently too big for me.

on to brand number two,which is smaller of course.this time,it was quite a lot easier wearing the contacts because i wasn't totally ignorant about it already.lol.repeated the process of strolling around a bit,then going back to check again.

it was still slightly too big=.= n my left eye was damn irritated.

so,moved on to the third n last brand,in an even smaller size(gosh,are my eyes really that small??).n the cycle repeats itself.oh except we just sat there in the shop this time while waiting.haha i think we were all tired of walking.as in my mum,sis n i.

fortunately,it fit very well.n felt the most comfortable.so of course we got that brand:D

n i was soo excited because i was finally getting to try on contacts.n able to wear them on random days to "get used to them for my performance" lol:P yes,the only reason why my parents are getting me contacts is because i need them for the performance.so thank god for it hehehe.

it's too bad i can't wear them permanently(apparently wearing it too much isn't good for the eyes).personally i prefer contacts because not only do my eyes appear bigger(specs will make them look smaller-just learnt it today o.O),it also feels much better.like with nothing perching on ur nose or whatever.plus i feel that i look better without specs.well,most people do.

i'm wearing contacts as i type;D

regarding another topic.i feel like a stone has been lifted from my heart,somehow.finally.but then again,i'm trying not to get my hopes up.because it might be the same as all the other times,n my hopes would get dashed yet again.so yeah.i shall remain neutral.but i can't help feeling slightly happier:D

anyway,i shan't think too much about stuff.it only complicates matters for myself.

ciao~

2008-06-08T21:18:00.003+08:00

Omg lol i just watched da4chang2jin1 again(now at episode 40+) n it was sooooo cute.

firstly that minzhenghao guy n changjin were talking together,as usuallll.then since changjin was learning under a doctor,the guy asked all his soldiers to let her observe their complexion to gain experience lol.

after that,he asked her how come she didn't help him observe his complexion also.n i was like ERR.then she said his face looked kinda red n that it's a symptom of fever.he replied that it wasn't because of fever,n slowly took her hands in his.

omggg so romantic.lol.like finally.but that changjin was damn embarrassed n ran away luh=.= arghh what's her problem..oh well.their love story will continue;D

secondly,the king saw changjin's best friend,liansheng or something,n liked her.even though she wasn't supposed to be wherever she was at that time.so he requested to have a meal with her n made her a "special shangong" despite her refusing to speak n being v scared throughout the whole time LOL.it's like..omigoshhh a special shangong??the only thing is,the outfit sucks.hahaha.

today was a totally eventless day.stayed at home n did homework for the most part.but due to my superlow efficiency rate,i only managed to do a few ames questions.haha.didn't know how to do some of them:/

i realised that the week ahead of me will be a reallyy busy one.as in,busier than the last two.what with cca n homework n all.yes,i intend to complete most of the mountain of homework i have by next week.which means every day counts.

sighhs,next week will be the last jazz lesson of the term.the next term starts only at the end of july!n i might not even be able to attend the first lesson because it's right.before.the.performance.which means the rehearsals will be freaking intense.sad.

half of the holidays are over.soo depressing.NEVERMIND.being the optimist that i am,i should be thinking how there's still 2 weeks before school reopens!..okay,not working.

just now,i finally summoned up enough courage-after a really long time of hesitation n loads of debating-with-myself nonsense-to do whatever it is that i've been wanting to do since like more than a week ago o.O n i was amazed by the fact that it was as if nothing was wrong at all,like no time had passed since the last..correspondence.but i guess it was kinda expected.

the outcome left me with a bittersweet feeling.couldn't help feeling a bit pissed.awkward.bitter.but also..glad that i finally did it n relieved,somehow.idk.it's weird.

i just hope that things can go back to..how they were like before.when they were at their peak.

n if they don't,maybe i won't be as affected as i thought after all.

p.s:i think the length of my posts are getting shorter in general.which isn't a bad thing,really:D

p.p.s:to u--
u might think i'm this-n-that,n that i'll always be this-n-that,but if u've been taking my words seriously at all,u would've understood what u could do to change it.but obviously u haven't,since u aren't doing anything.n in that case,u can't expect me to change.so sorry about that.

2008-06-07T23:30:00.002+08:00

Funny how the presence of a certain something,like finally,doesn't make me feel any better.

so it's gotten to this stage,huh.one whereby i've become,once again,totally ignorant of everything regarding..oh,nevermind.i don't even know what to feel anymore.

i'm seriously considering if i should abandon this,once n for all.let whatever that's withholding me pass.then move on n be carefree.or something.after all,it's as if all this never took place before already.won't make much of a difference.~~not to u,anyway.~~

ohh whatever.i shall base my judgement on my genuine feelings.n whatever happens tomorrow.

anyway,today was an interesting day.i did okay in jazz,except for probably the leaps.n maybe the routine,which i never executed well in the first place:P side splits were quite good,could go down on right split.haha.

after jazz,steph n i stayed there for like over one hour=.= in my case it's because my parents didn't wanna make an extra trip when they could fetch me later after picking my bro up,then going to my uncle's house.like wth.then steph was taking bus to meet her mum somewhere at a later time:D so she stayed with me:D:D

we just stretched,practised some stuff n went to buy food from cold storage lol.oh poor steph lost her necklace,somehow:/ she took it off before the lesson n realised it was missing only some time after the lesson.then we couldn't find it anywhere.not even in cold storage hurhur.hopefully she'll find it at like the bottom of her bag or something,even though we searched through it like dunno how many times already..:/

went to my uncle's house after that.yes,it's that totally nice n posh apartment that i've once brought up here,hehehe.there's this small room on the upper floor with a glass floor okay.n if u're below u can look up n see things from a different perspective lol.it's perfect as a reading room omgg.even the multi-coloured lamp is totally cool.it has this control pad that works by touch luh.

my sibs swam in the pool,n we had a barbeque at the poolside:D yupps there are bbq pits around the pool.oh n my 2 cousins came along with my aunt.there were like 11 people in total..?i totally over-indulged today.hahaha.

i've completed my poem:D but i don't think i'll post it here because it's..um..meant to be private?haha i don't know.i guess i just don't feel like publicizing it luh.but i'm pretty satisfied with it.

i was looking through Poem6,which i left incomplete the last time,n realised that i could just end there actually.so i did xD now there's only Poem5 that's incomplete.oh but looking back,i think both of them suck,really.as for the rest..1 n 2 were quite good,3 is crappy because it wasn't meant to be serious,n 4 was okay.lol,self-evaluation.

going off to bed now.n surprisingly,i feel much better than when i started off o.O

2008-06-06T21:24:00.006+08:00

Hehe i just discovered this pic on ysabel's blog-

me n ysabel:D n my hand's like..blurrred..
n my specs are freaking reflective=.=

yup,it's us wearing our spazz-tic self-made tiaras during innerchild sabbats lol.it seemed like eternity ago.goshh thinking of sabbats reminds me of hiphop again..n how much i miss it:/ BY THE WAY STEPPIE,i didn't get chubbier n here's the proof!:P lalala.

oh well,jazz tomorrow.n i think i'm getting stiffer by the day because.although my side split appears to be improving,i can't really go down on right split already!or maybe it's cos i didn't warm up..?anyway.i intend to reach the stage of flexibility whereby i don't need to warm up to be able to do splits.haha.

u know,i really cannot believe the amount of cca practices i have to attend right now.good news: 1.TOMORROW'S PRACTICE HAS BEEN CANCELLED.bad news: 1.as a result,everything's been rescheduled n poof,i end up having to go for cca every freaking day again next week.for 5 days.N 2.laoshi announced that hong2chou2 people will have to rehearse in the dance studio during every lunchtime when school reopens.

like omgwtf.how come the two dances i'm in are both not the oh-so-grand type,yet they're the ones that require the most practice??huang2hai2zi has an extra session of rehearsal every wednesday.n we used to have to go to the dance studio during breaktimes as well.n now hong2chou2 is kinda like that as well.

not trying to complain or whatever,it's just so..saddening.lol.n oh yeah.they're also the only two dances consisting mostly of sec threes.with just a couple of other sec ones n twos o.O

ohh crap.if this goes on,how am i supposed to finish all my holiday work by next week???no,seriously.i've been so caught up in cca n all,especially this week,that i've practically neglected my homework.n i was still hoping that next week would hold less practices.NO SUCH LUCK.

i do not want to go to school every day like it's a freaking normal school term!!n continue doing the same thing when school reopens=.= plus it's every morning.u know how i absolutely detest having to wake up early luh.arghhhh.n how exactly do i make time to go out for at least a couple of times with my friends now?i can't even go for 6a class outing because it falls on the wednesday of the last week of hols.A.K.A audi rehearsal day,complete with costumes,props,makeup,everything.obviously i can't miss that.

there goes my holidays.just like what i'd imagined,only worse.speeding past in a whirlwind of activities.just like that.

well,u know what?if that's the case,i shall draw up my own schedule for everything-homework,outings,cca,remedials n whatever else-asap.so that i can have an idea of exactly how much time i have left to do everything.instead of like spending time on unnecessary stuff n letting every day pass like that.

i feel so much better now that i have a plan:D funny,since i haven't even done anything yet.hmmm.

moving on to another issue.one which i don't really understand,n therefore decided to give up on.for now,anyway:/

n oh yeah.i realised that i've stopped writing poems for like 2 months already..?so yesterday,i suddenly felt like starting another one,so i did:D poem in the making hahaha.i might post it here when i'm done.unfortunately,the novel will have to wait:/ sighs.to think i once hoped to complete it by the june hols.not happening.so far,i've only done 2 chapters luhh.

shall end off with an excerpt from poem7 (a.k.a the seventh poem i've written so far luh xD):

Clutching several letters in my hand
Staring out of the misty window
Looking at the steady rain, I stand;
I wonder if there will be a rainbow.

ohh i've finished reading legally blonde yesterday!loved it:D TTFN~

2008-06-04T23:42:00.003+08:00

My life's becoming increasingly boring as each day gradually turns into part of a repetitive n totally bo-ring routine.

u should know it by now-cca,homework+revision,remedials,pointless slacking/digressing n maybe reading.it's all what i'd do during normal schooldays as well!n holidays are meant to be for u to do something different!oooh i can't take it anymore.

especially when da4chang2jin1 is off the dinnertime schedule.yes,no more watching shows during dinnertime every day.would u believe it.the worst thing is,my sibs-particularly my sis-still get to watch it sometimes.like when i came back at 5pm+ today n found her happily settled down on the couch watching it.

n me?obviously i'm not so freaking lucky n carefree.oh,no.everytime i attempt to watch it when i'm even home,my parents go "u cannot watch,u must go n do ur homework,manage ur time well" n whatever shit.i totally can't stand it.u'd think i was the one who wanted to spend half my day at cca in the first place.

i mean,wth are holidays for if u still get restricted n cooped up n forced to study n go for cca all the time?it's just soo pissifying.

well,whatever.i'll just get through this week,somehow,n hopefully next week will be more interesting.which is quite likely,because for one,things can't get any worse than they are now..right?n for another,all the..um,interesting activities are pushed back till the third week.like going out with friends.n..other stuff:P

anyway,i'm getting a little anxious.n perplexed.n it's about the crappy problem i've been worrying about for ages.which,unfortunately,i still am not able to solve,due to unfavourable circumstances,i.e. the absence of..a major element.hurhur.

n it's been,like,absent for quite some time already.why now,of all times,when it used to be available almost every day??

hmm but i think i'm becoming less affected by it already.as with everything else that's related to it.i'm just crossing my fingers for tomorrow.nothing more than that.

borrowed a few books from the school library today-3 chinese ones n an english one.obviously i only got the chinese ones out of no choice.had to read them to do book reviews,u see=.= anyway,i just had to get an english one to keep me from dying of absolute boredom.n i've reread everything at home to the extent that i have no interest in rereading any one of them again anymore.lol.

well i got legally blonde:D finally i get the chance to at least know the plot of the oh-so-popular movie that's still occasionally brought up.since i never watched the show.it is a totally fascinating book n i'm officially hooked on it xD almost halfway through already.n oh yes.i think it's affecting my style of writing in this post hahaha.i'm serious!

more tomorrow.great,cca's only during the afternoon.i shall try to wake up earlier anyway:D

chic-lit fiction forever xD see,another reason why i'm becoming more bimbo.heh.

2008-06-03T22:16:00.002+08:00

..Feeling kinda troubled right now.

well i went for cca in the morning in zombie-mode because i couldn't sleep last night until like..4am?i dunno why luh.anyway we did all the usual stuff-lian4gong1 then go out to practise by ourselves(we just slack most of the time though.by training flexibility-like doing splits-while chatting hahaha).

stayed back for math remedial at 2pm after that..felt quite accomplished after going through quadratic functions n inequalities with mrs. ng haha.also went through a bit of functions(it's different from the previous one..).yays she arranged another session for me next tuesday:D n i'll go for the last one on the wednesday of the last week of hols.

didn't do much after i got back:/ oh i'm feeling quite emo now because i just watched da4chang2jin1 again lol.amazing how shows can play with ur emotions so much hurhur.like,i'm feeling happy because something good happened,yet anxious because the evil scheming people are plotting yet again,sad because mdm jung's leaving,n just emo because..um,because there were alot of emo scenes..?hahaha.

i'm in despair.okay,okay,that was a hyperbole lol.but i can't help thinking how my hols are just gonna pass by in a whirlwind of madness,a flurry of activities.all of which are necessities.i mean,i seriously don't know when i'll get to do something meaningful n fun which i really want to do,myself.

n i'd think about the long,dreary 10 weeks after this stupid holiday n get so,so demoralised.boring lessons,tons of homework,project submissions,then come block tests followed oh-so-closely by dance night concert.arghh.

i'm resigned to the fact that there will never really be a break from the stress of cca.'cause soon after the concert will be time to start the gruelling rehearsals for syf next year.n after that,who knows what else will come up?n even if there isn't anything,we'll all be busy mugging for eoys by then.to be able to get into hci luh.

oh well.c'est la vie.as long as i keep up a positive attitude towards all this,n at least do some stuff that i really want to do to keep myself happy,it will be totally manageable.

speaking of which.i can't believe i still don't have a chance to solve THE problem.n i seriously thought that..well,i'd get it over n done with by today.but no,it's just my luck that..oh,nevermind.the thing is,i'm getting more n more distressed n depressed about it every day.i'm like..pretty much helpess now,really.

i pray hard,i pray reallyreally hard,that i'll at least have a chance to put matters right tomorrow.before it's too late.

2008-06-02T23:23:00.003+08:00

I think i've finally learnt to adapt to the demanding schedule of rehearsals.

because when they announced today that wei3sheng1 has to have extra practice on wednesday afternoon from 1.30-4.30pm,thus causing me to be unable to attend yet another math remedial session,plus laoshi's mentioning that there will be quite alot of rehearsals for it,even after the hols during breaktimes n such..i just accepted it like that,no complaints whatsoever.

i'm just a bit worried about math,n my time left to study.that's all.is this numbness,or what?or have i really managed to kan4 kai1 already?either way it's an improvement,i guess.

n i've decided to practise hard for wei3sheng1.it's really quite tough luh,n energy-consuming because of the manymany jumps n leaps,but it's kinda nice.n anyway it's one of my only dances so i should do it well.if not i might get kicked out also:X hurhur.

having a plan makes me feel loads better.i've even managed to smile a little when i reminisce about it sometimes.carrying it out,though,is another matter.anyway i couldn't do it today,although i wanted to.oh well.i hope i can do it tomorrow.no,i must.

just now when i got back home,i had the urge to try scooping the ice cream again,after one failed attempt in the morning(i smoothed out the chunk again after that hahaha).

this time it was not bad.n my mum-who was nearby-said it was good n i deserved to eat it right away lol.she even took out a nice glass for me.but since i wanted mine in a cone,i gave my sis the first scoop n got another one haha.it was really nice.as in both the shape n the taste:P n i thought i had to wait till after dinner cos it was 6pm+ already.well,yay:D

hmm i really don't have much to say today.gotta wake up early again tomorrow,sighs.u know,today was still okay because i could sleep in late.how i wish cca was always in the afternoon:/

oh well,i suppose i can't have everything in the world.

~~if i can still have u,though,i'll be more than contented already.~~

2008-06-01T22:36:00.002+08:00

Dead.

That's what i'm gonna be soon.i really don't know how i'm gonna survive next week.here's what the incomplete schedule looks like:

Monday
1.30-4pm: CCA

Tuesday
9am-12pm: CCA
2-4pm: Math remedial

Wednesday
9am-12pm: CCA
2-4pm: Math remedial

Thursday
1.30-4pm: CCA

Friday
9am-4.30pm: CCA
craps,i can't have math remedial anymore!:/

Saturday
9am-12pm: CCA
2-3pm: Jazz

yupps,i'm not even gonna be free for one day.not even saturday.i wonder when i can actually get started on my insane mountain of holiday homework.right now i'm still working on the homework that was supposed to be due before the hols=.=

n only 2 days of math remedial??that's like totally not sufficient cannn.but mrs. ng's only free on tuesday,wednesday n friday luh.n obviously i can't squeeze in any more sessions or whatever.sighs.

plus cca on monday n friday is to rehearse wei3sheng1.which i heard was really,really tough.like worse than all the other dances o.O oomigosh.i have a bad feeling about this.

n i initially arranged to go iceskating with steppie n catfish on thursday!!that was before they decided to have a full run on that day.after m.dance cca somemore.oh wows,we clash again.I'M SO SORRY STEPH:/ i was really looking forward to it myself..sighs.we'll go the week after that,okay?

i cannot stand it luh,i thought this week had been bad enough already,what with cca on 3 days n chem every day.

anyway,whatever.i just need to chill for a bit n schedule my time properly.hurhur.easier said than done.but okay well i accept my fate.accepted it long ago,actually.

i finished making the ice cream today!wth it took a damn long time to solidify luh.like 6hrs or more=.= thank god i didn't do it yesterday.it's turning out v nicely:D but it melts quite easily.oh well.

my sis baked cookies today.they tasted quite nice(of course,she used organic butter lol) but were rock hard.like seriously.the recipe's weird,it doesn't ask for baking powder.anyway had a fun time icing them with my sibs.the icing turned out hot pink in the end haha.cos my sis added wayy too much red colouring.we made half of it without colouring so it was white.then just messed around with them lor hahaha.the result wasn't bad man.

wth,this stupid bug just dropped into the keyboard.so i might possibly be squishing it as i type this lol.

i dreamt again yesterday hurhur.i wonder why i start having so many dreams these few days.i guess it's because i ponder alot before i fall asleep.about one thing in particular.but then the dream wasn't about that.hmmm.

speaking of which,i now have a solid plan for what i'm gonna do.however all my resolve just seems to vanish whenever i get close to doing it.so i postpone it,delay it,push it back.until the chance slips away again.n i know that delaying this will only make things worse.not to mention lengthen my unrest.there's just this stone in my heart now,u know?

n just now it was quite scary k.i suddenly thought of it n there was this shocking wave of overwhelming emotion,causing my heart to lurch n leaving it beating rapidly.it's crazy,i know,but that's what happened.

omg wtf now there's this other bug bugging me=.= it flew straight at me just now luh,the freaking idiot.

wait,why is this post so crappy??lol.i'm in a random mood i guess.huaichynnie went to australia today!n she didn't reply my sms before that,the meanie.n abby's going to uk tomorrow:/

n me?i'm still stuck here.dutifully attending cca n remedial sessions.blahhh.

2008-05-31T22:23:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling quite happy today:D

slept in till 12pm as usual=.= oh n i had another dream.this one had me wishing dreams really came true,because..it was about one of my major,um,problems.n in the dream,it was solved v nicely n everything turned out..just the way i hoped they would,in real life.sighs.i guess i just have to find a way to create a link between fantasy n reality.or make reality turn out as perfectly as fantasy.or whatever.

anyway,it was nice while it lasted.n somehow it made me feel better n more optimistic about the whole thing:D i can't believe the effect dreams have on people.or maybe it's just me.oh well.

worked on a.lit essay a bit(yes i haven't finished it=.=) before going for jazz.there were only 3 people today,including me o.O my knee was still hurting some,so i went easy on the leaps.then the teacher was like "i'm sure u can raise ur legs higher than that!"..whoops:/ then at another point she was saying how i was naturally flex(*coughs*) so i should be able to do whatever it was better.sigh.

i think i sucked today because of the knee problem.couldn't seem to do everything properly.blahs.the routine's getting more complicated.

while waiting for my bro's tuition to end,i went to popular to read,n chanced upon a book that i was reading halfway at another popular store last time.like quite long ago.so i continued from where i stopped(yupps i still remember roughly where xD).i think it was quite nice luh,n i could relate to the main character(who's a girl) quite a bit.hmm maybe i'll buy the book.

after i got back,i started making caramel ice cream.partly to fulfill the skills section for nyaa.i'm making desserts/snacks every two weeks hahaha.i started two weeks ago by making the konnyaku jelly for mothers' day!haha killing two birds with one stone:P

the process of making the ice cream was v interesting!i made the custard n caramel separately.gosh it was tougher than it seemed because the mixtures had to be heated till they were just right.overheated the milk+vanilla essence a little n there were lumps forming at the bottom.ah well i sieved them out.luckily i didn't burn the caramel:D it was v nice n made of just sugar+water.

haha i suddenly related it to chem.mr. sit mentioned that the formula of sugar is C6H12O6,so if it's burned,the oxygen will get used up.then somehow the hydrogen disappears(i forgot why) n we're left with carbon lol.that's burnt caramel already luh so i didn't get to that stage:P

i'm gonna finish making the ice cream tomorrow:D didn't do it just now because i have to stir it every hour,n since it was late already,i decided not to risk burning the midnight oil just to stir ice cream till it freezes haha.hope it turns out okay!

we had an interesting dinner.roast chicken with the breakfast muffins my mum n sister made today.somehow the muffins ended up more like cinammon bread lol.but they were still okay luh.continued watching da4chang2jin1 while having dinner,now at episode 22 or something.ahh the guy n changjin are starting to hang out together more already<33

ohh there was one part which was damn spastic.cos changjin's uncle brought her to the beach n they started running around in the water.then suddenly she met the guy there also.so they started running around together while the uncle disappeared=.= the guy looked damn wrong running around LOL.especially since he was wearing that kinda formal clothing.

oh yes,i'll tell u the one thing that's dampening my spirits right now.n that's my parents' constant lecturing n nagging.i am just about through with their ridiculous reprimanding regarding my tone n attitude.according to them,i appear to be damn ungrateful/unappreciative of their help concerning my studies.unfortunately,they don't seem to take into consideration what might've caused this.like the fact that it's freaking 10.30pm,i'm trying to finish off my a.lit essay,n my dad comes in n announces that i have to do 3 freaking long math qns before i sleep tonight.

like wow.i'm kinda confused now.during schooldays,he was forever yakking at me to sleep earlier.seriously,every single day.n now?he expects me to sleep only at 12am.like wth.i so don't understand him.when i actually have the chance to sleep early for once,he makes me work till really late.then when i can't sleep early due to work,he nags.how considerate of him indeed.

besides,did they have to constantly nag at me to do work?actually they keep nagging for everything they want me to do.like the sleeping time issue.homework.studies.n other minor stuff.it's v irritating.like today,i didn't do much work since i went for jazz n made ice cream after i came back,which took a long time.n watched da4chang2jin1 while having dinner.so yeah.it's called chilling for one day after 5 consecutive days of slaughting.

guess what?they went,"u didn't even touch ur homework today!don't waste time already,go do homework!must have better time management!if u continue like this it's v disastrous!" blahblahblah in chinese.i translated "zao1 gao1" to disastrous hurhur.omg luh,i can't even have a break after all this time spent on cca n chem remedial?it's the hols for goodness' sake!sure doesn't feel like it,though.

n next week.oh god.next week is cca,cca n more cca.like every single day.on top of that,there's math remedial.n of course i'm still expected to do other work.i think i'm just gonna die luh.

it's not like i don't care about my studies,that i'm not worried at all.obviously i am.but the one thing i can't stand is being pushed to do things n being nagged at all the time.i couldn't even plan my own schedule,my dad planned just about everything,n i had to dump my initial schedule.i mean,can't i even mug my own way?what's more,i think it's more effective that way.because i'd at least be willing to do it.

oh well.looks like i vented alot huh.anyways i realised only now,on the one-week anniversary,that i forgot to talk about the arena recording that i went for last saturday=.= okay it was exciting luh,n vvv tense.oh but i more or less knew we'd lose after the third round already lol.

we had a break from filming every time the ads were supposed to show up in between.yeah n the two bimbo emcees were going around gossiping n talking about all those BGR stuff.they went to ask random people who they thought was the cutest on the other team n whatever shit.then they interrogated nicholas quah from ri,probably because they found him cute.

oh then someone from the ri side actually shouted "EEWEI" damn loud okay.the emcees chionged over to him n questioned him.he said that he meant nicholas should choose eewei luh,but he obviously found eewei chio otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned her:P lol.

then everyone was giving the standard answer:"no comment." hahaha.boring but safe.personally i thought all the debators from ri were quite ugly.except nicholas who was..quite okay luh haha.huaichynnie thinks he's cute:P

she was saying that he was okay looks-wise,n i misinterpreted it as "he looks wise" so i went "nicholas?looks wise??u must be joking." then she said "ohmytian.i didn't mean that luh!i won't like wise guys.so gay.ha.i prefer ah,nevermind(; i meant looks wise,he's quite okay.getit?" quoted directly from her sms hahaha.damn funny.

okay i shall end here before i bore everyone to death by the length of my post lol.byee~

2008-05-29T22:26:00.002+08:00

Today was a perfectly normal day.

as usual,i slept through the whole morning.oh yeah,i had a reallyreally weird dream=.= it was about a mixture of stuff.like it had elements of da4chang2jin1 inside,n sth which i've been thinking about alot lately.but that part was portrayed in a vvv indirect way.lol.aiya the whole thing was damn weird n i might even have had multiple dreams.

n i haven't dreamt in ages.

well good i love dreams:D they just leave u with a dreamy floaty feeling after u wake up,u know?hahaha.even if it was weird.the wonders of fantasyland xD

chem remedial.i had an overdose of info:/ lol.so i was feeling slightly confused by the time it was over.oh but mr. sit spent dunno-how-long telling us that we should find time for ourselves n do stuff that we normally don't do during the hols.hahaha.in fact he talked about it until the lights in the library were all switched off o.O

anyway,makes sense.okay then,i shall make a list of things i wanna do:D n that includes the whatever i've been pondering about alot recently.i think i've somehow come to a conclusion already.as in,about what to do.n no matter what,i must pluck up the courage to do it.because..because it affects the future.seriouslyy.

oh the things i wanna do include to finish watching da4chang2jin1!!<3>

(R) ❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
ahhhhhh i just found out that mdm han is gonna die!!T.T noo i like mdm han omgomgomg

♥starshelle. not.jazzerina says:
mdm han? what subject she teach de. never hear before.

♥starshelle. not.jazzerina says:
new tcher isit

♥starshelle. not.jazzerina says:
OH

♥starshelle. not.jazzerina says:
OH

♥starshelle. not.jazzerina says:
HAN SHANG GONG

♥starshelle. not.jazzerina says:
YOURE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT SHOW

(R) ❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
=.=

(R) ❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
u think im trying to predict the future of ny teachers isit!HAHA

LOL.i call her mdm han cos i always look at the subtitles n that's what they call her in english.oh yeah the english subtitles suck luh.it's like haywire..??just now one old guy was speaking to the king,n suddenly the subtitle became "i am madam qi-jyu" like wth?haha our whole family was laughing like mad.n i edited one!"the champion will be serve the king"-->"the champion will be served to the king" HAHA MASTERPIECE:D

but wth i don't want hanshangong to dieeeeeee!she's such a nice character..!!hmph.i don't like the stupid producers.or scriptwriters.whoever made her die.

ohh but changjin n that dunno-what's-his-name guy are gonna have a love story *shining eyes* yays they're gonna be together like i hoped..!

omg what's wrong with me,now i'm getting so crazy over a lian2xi4ju4(what's it called in english-drama series??).one that was produced two years ago at that.now i know why people are always watching tv:P it's like,even though the show might not be that great,it's just addictive luh.cos u constantly wanna find out what happens next.so u keep watching it.moral of story?don't start.hahaha.

cca tomorrow.sighs.can't sleep in already.yupps so i need to sleep earlier tonight.i hope my knee doesn't get worse after tomorrow's practice.cos it was kinda pain so i skipped cca yesterday.but tomorrow's lu4xiang4 n they're rehearsing wei3 sheng1,so i guess i'd better go.

then i'll probably go for chem remedial after that.oh n i'm skipping make-up math lesson for cca.having it only next week.argh my schedule's freaking tight.

2008-05-28T22:44:00.004+08:00

These few days have been quite packed.

maybe because i've been sleeping through the mornings.lol.either that or there's cca,then chem remedial,n i usually get back home only around 6pm.

n oh yes i spend alot of time watching shows too.specifically,da4 chang2 jin1.yes so pathetic right i'm only watching it after,what,2 years of its release?haha.i can still remember steppie making a korean doll under its influence for sec1 international friendship day:P oh well.it's v nice luh!as in,the show lol.

call me crazy or weird or whatever,but i get just a bit giddy over one of the guy characters.haha.like zomg i can't believe i'm giddy over some guy who's supposedly from the olden times o.O with ancient outfits n a beard n everything.oh wait,maybe it's a goatee.ah well doesn't matter.the point is,i never used to even look twice at this sort luh.oh but maybe i'm just hoping he n changjin will get together.but still.i think he's not bad.argh wth am i doing.i musn't get smitten by some ancient-times fellow with a goatee.n from a show,for heaven's sake.

chem remedial..was quite interesting.on monday i went by myself.tuesday,there was hongkai n cherie.today jingzhi zephyr n cherie came as well:D i realised that i totally suck at chem.but i'm v happy that i finally get how to construct ionic equations!hahaha.after that i found it v fun so i kept doing them o.O

speaking of chem remedial,mr. sit mentioned sth yesterday which got me thinking.funny how chem can make u ponder about..other stuff in life.as in,he was really just relating chem(bonding,i think) to sth else n was explaining the concept in terms of that sth else.then in the midst of his explanation,he said a sentence which..well,made me huang3 ran2 da4 wu4,u know(sheesh i dunno how to put it in english=.=).i mean,i guess i've known it all along,but i just didn't wanna acknowledge it,so i didn't think about it.now,though..

okay nevermind,i'm talking a ton of crap.

damn,gtg now,more tomorrow!

2008-05-27T01:06:00.009+08:00

Pics of hiphop sabbats taken by steph!:D

hehe i think this pic's damn artistic because of my longg leg xD

zomg why do i look so fat??=.=

lol steppie u straighten up also shorter than me luh:P

look at our pretty dance studio:D:D

hiphop sabbats '08!oh yes,pm session.

steppie ur spastic hand made my face look distorted lol.

which routine is this??is it lyrical?

we look like we're stoning o.O

spastic.

SPASTIC-ER>.<

<33

me steph n abby!i look the stupidest of course.

okay i realised two things:

one,my class tee's really.freaking.long.

two,my fringe is v long as well.ah well.i'm deciding if i should let it grow out.

oh n i hate how i look in the second pic D: oh wells.

will update laterr.

2008-05-26T22:21:00.004+08:00

-Thoughts in turmoil-

i'm missing alot of things right now.recent things,things that have been lost some time ago which i'm trying really hard to retrieve.

recent things include hiphop sabbats,n that jazz lesson i missed because of the arena thing.lol.

things from the past..well,i can think of 3 things but i won't say them out:P

haven't posted in a while haha.shall start recounting from last friday.

first,sabbats.innerchild was slightly better because after having to wear those stupid tiaras n wands n hold up our banners while reading excerpts from our-*cough*-"princess diaries"(mine was non-existant btw.it just consisted of a couple of foolscap papers lol),n taking a few photos outside the classroom,we got to have a "tea party"(gosh those names that dr. perry gave..!!=.=) n watch a movie about snow white n the 7 dwarves:D which was quite nice.n oh yes it's not that animated one that we used to watch as kids k.it's like acted out by humans.um..not sure about the dwarves luh:X hahaha.the wicked queen was..vain like crap.what "oh,my high cheekbones!" n "oh those long lashes of mine" omg cannot stand her!!lol.

moving on.hiphop sabbats was unbelievably fun.we ran through all 4 routines which i seemed to finally get.except the locking one luh hehe.that one only abby could get.prooo.n our instructor,who's called zongyi btw(everyone laughed at that cos it sounded like zhong1yi1-u know,sec one),actually videotaped us=.= n he's gonna make it into a dvd or sth.like omg.i screwed up for the popping one n i was in the first row..!:/ oh well.btw my current blog song is our popping song!HAHAHA.oh i discovered that actually i like aggressive hiphop as much as lyrical!:D haha i'm being indecisive as usual.but they were both reallyreally fun.steph n i are really opposites man.i'm good at bodywave,but not-so-good at using my pelvis to get up from the floor,while she's..opposite!haha.yes,steph the pelvis-less girl finds her pelvis when she's getting up from the floor xD

oh n i realised that i should really appreciate the dance studio more.n my accessibility to it.n not just because the am session had to use the gym for dance sabbats either,like our instructor keeps mentioning.it's also because,well,most people practically never enter the dance studio anymore after they go on sec3.i,on the other hand,get the opportunity dance in there almost every other day.shouldn't i treasure this?hmm.okayy.i shall learn to appreciate it more.cca too since it's the reason why i'm doing this in the first place hahaha.

after school,some of the twelvers went to jurong east to report for cip:D to raise funds for the sichuan earthquake..okay well,mainly to fulfill the school cip we need to do luh haha.ANYWAY.carissa,shiyun,zeke,lanxin n i went to raffles city to tao3 qian2!we stationed ourselves along this corridor near the mrt n my gosh,the people there were damn rich luh!n really generous.barely a minute into my,um,duty or whatever,this woman came up to me n donated $10 o.O i think the average each person donated was more than $2.compared to that time when i did cca cip in chinatown right..aiya cannot compare luh haha.then one of the others said someone donated $100 to her.like omggg.

lol carissa they all damn suay,got chased out by the mean old security guard(s?) thrice cos we weren't supposed to beg near the mrt(but too late luh our tins were already v heavy;D).while i didn't get chased out at all.HAHA.seriously i didn't even see any security guards at all.maybe it's cos i stood furthest away!then they all got tired of chasing the rest out already so they went back hahaha.

after that we went outside the building near the busstop there to beg.then the stupid security guard came n chased they all again although i was just a short distance away.LOL.i think i repel all the unwanted people xD he said sth like "this is still my place,i don't want to see u all anywhere near here anymore!u can cross the road,i don't care" blahblahblah to carissa.hmph.childish freak.what "my place" luh=.= anyway we crossed the road lor n the business deteriorated:/ sadd.

after cip we man3 zai4 er2 gui1 went back to jurong east.our shoulders were all aching from carrying our bags for few hours straight.bought bubbletea n then i went to IMM for dinner with shiyun,lanxin,jessica,sylvia n wanting:D jessica called me "gu niang" for eating so demurely o.O in other words i was slow as usual.haha.

was damn tired by the time i got on the mrt.slept through half the journey.an aunty beside me was like "你看起来很累" just after i woke up:X lol oops.then i just forced a smile.but on the whole the day was v fun.

then on saturday i went for the arena recording thingy!will talk about the details tomorrow.they told us not to go back n announce the results on our blogs or sth lol.but the episode was already aired just now anyway-in fact i just watched it-so i can freely proclaim:NY LOST TO RI!T.T oh well.it was an interesting debate luh.but super tense!oh but when it was aired just now i was like laughing away at those small details already.like that jarret's "sniffles":P since i already knew n expected the results.

todayyyy.woke up at 1+pm in the AFTERNOON=.= pro huh.i've been seriously sleep-deprived lol.went for chem remedial only to find out that dear mr. sit misinterpreted my sms about whether i can have chem remedial today.apparently he thought i sent it today n meant tomorrow.cos i asked him "is it possible to have chem remedial from 2-4pm tomorrow" yesterday.um yeah.so.turned out he was at a marathon of meetings.so he could only come out halfway for 5mins+ to answer some qns i had.after the last meeting was over,he asked if i was still at school n came out to teach me a bit more luh.thank god i was hardworking n stayed till 5+pm:P

shitt.my parents are like..dictating my whole life until the blocktests at the end of july!!my dad drew up a freaking huge schedule n wrote down the itinerary for every single day of this week.n we're gonna decide the schedule for next week on sunday=.= wowws.i know i'm supposed to be grateful that they're concerned,i know i myself wanted to mug during the hols,but somehow i only feel pissed about this.they're,like,controlling my life so intently even during the hols.the second biggest holiday in the year,to be exact.n not even with one day off per week.only the occasional outing with my friends.wth.

plus my dad keeps saying my exams are coming up so i can't do this,i can't do that.he even tried to stop me from eating cookies like WTH??for goodness' sake!they aren't even EXAMS in the first place,they're TESTS.if this keeps up..i can't imagine what it'll be like when eoys come around man.secondly,it's a whole month before the tests,okay?n it's the hols.are u saying i shouldn't even indulge one bit during the hols?thirdly,they're just cookies omg.it's not like i'm trying to polish off a whole tub of icecream in one go or whatever.i'm not that weak as to fall sick just because of a few cookies or whatever.sheesh.

my life's gonna be monotonous from now on.here's what every day's itinerary looks like for the rest of the week:

9am-12pm:CCA
2-4pm:Chem remedial
5-6pm:Shower (yes he even wrote out my shower time=.=)
6-7pm:Homework
7-8.30pm:Dinner (including watching shows)
8.45-10pm:Math
10pm:SLEEP

argh.actually there isn't even any point in my attending cca,4 times a week somemore.not when i'm only involved in 1 dance,which isn't even gonna be rehearsed within these two weeks luh.yeah so basically i'm just gonna go there n waste alot of time as usual.like almost every cca session nowadays.i mean,they say everyone has to go to practise their own dances on tuesdays,wednesdays n fridays.but am i expected to just practise that 1 dance over n over again?sighhs.at least i'll be involved in the wei3 sheng1 soon.i thinkk.

great,there won't be lian2 pai2 this saturday after all:D oh yeah.didn't i just say i should learn to appreciate my cca more??okay i'm trying,i'm trying.no more bitching about cca.actually i shouldn't bitch about my hols being so shitty either.i've more or less brought it on myself.i should be glad my parents are worried about me.n oh yes.i should be reallyreally grateful that they didn't kill me after getting my report book.in fact,they didn't even tell me off.n i'm seriously grateful.n guilty.

it's hard,but i must learn to swallow my disapproval n accept these things.i musn't be so pissed about them.n like i said before,i must consider other people's feelings too.it's not always just mine that matter.

sigh.since when did life get so tough?n i've been pretty miserable ever since..well,nevermind.but i just can't let go,i just can't stop thinking about it.it still torments me every day n i don't know what to do.if only i could know.thoughts,consequences,future,everything.if only.

i kinda wish i'd never gotten myself into this in the first place.all those bright times..they seem like an eternity ago,n i can't really remember any of them.oh yeah,that's because it never really took place properly at all.

now everything's just so uncertain,i don't know where it stands,i don't know what i should say,so i just keep silent about it most of the time.but it's simply killing me inside.

oh but u probably wouldn't care enough to read this,would u?well then nevermind.maybe i should just give up already.

n make everything single bit of this history.

2008-05-21T21:55:00.002+08:00

Searching for a sign-any sign-but finding none.

i think i'm very influenced by what i read recently.like i was reading "the princess diaries:after eight" at popular the other day in thomson plaza..n now parts of it are like,popping into my mind at unexpected moments.lol.ohh but the book was nice.didn't have time to read the beginning though=.= hahaha.i just flipped to a random page near the middle n started u see.

currently rereading "a northern light" n gaining more insight on the plot:D sometimes i'd suddenly think of it,too.

innerchild was totally boring today.i swear it's getting worse.but dance is getting nicer n nicer hehe.did popping today.yesterday was locking.popping's quite fun!(almost typed "pooping"=.=) we did body n hand waves,which were coool.

oh i was very shocked when the instructor suddenly came over n announced to everyone,"if u all want u can see her body wave k,she does it quite smoothly.aiya but if ask her do now then she won't want to do lah" like LOL.my body wave,smooth?*coughs* how come i don't feel smooth?n i just did it like..almost how i always do in jazz.which is..anyhow do.our jazz teacher never taught this in detail luh so we just copied her.but i agree with the later statement hahaha:P

so far i like lyrical hiphop n popping.oh yes popping is actually like tensing up the muscles for a split second.small jerks,that kinda thing.miraculously,i could sort of catch up with the routine.unlike yesterday's locking routine=.= that was a disaster all right.

yays we're gonna do more aggressive n lyrical hiphop for the next two days!:D i don't mind either.

u know what?i'll elaborate more tomorrow,because right now i'm too tired.was falling asleep during innerchild lol.

btw yes i changed my blog song because songs from iwebmusic cause blogs to shut down=.= at least,they do on my com.this song's "No Air" by Jordin Sparks(never heard of her before actually) feat. Chris Brown(again??).random song i liked.mainly cause it pretty much says what i feel right now.somehow.

2008-05-20T23:08:00.005+08:00

Today was a pleasant enough day,or a lousy day,depending on how u look at it.

woke up in the morning feeling kinda feverish n really heaty.also had(n still having) a slight runny nose,a slight sore throat n sleep-deprived.sneezed quite a bit as well.i felt like i was coming down with something.maybe a cold.in other words,i felt baad.

okay well.went to school anyway because-hello-i didn't wanna miss sabbats:P chionged chem n checked CA1 marksheet.will reflect on that laterr.

then off to sabbats.first up,discovering ur inner child.last friday,we did this cool guided imagery journey thing..whatever it's called.oh n we got to choose either a disney princess folder or notebook.they were all so pretty hahaha.can't remember the last time i went crazy over this sorta thing o.O actually everyone did.wows such a highly successful sabbat haha.discovering ur inner child indeed.

then we read the story of cinderella.discussed the four different personality types:idealist(e.g. cinderella),guardian(e.g. prince),artisan(e.g. fairy godmother) n rational(e.g. stepmom/stepsisters *do not symbolise evil in this case*) n which type we were.most people felt that they were idealists luh of course.i mean,this sabbat mostly appeals to idealists what haha.

speaking of which,i have to go take the personality test the teacher asked us to do.

results!:

INFP - The "Dreamer"
INFPs are introspective, private, creative and highly idealistic individuals that have a constant desire to be on a meaningful path. They are driven by their values and seek peace. Empathetic and compassionate, they want to help others and humanity as a whole. INFPs are imaginitive, artistic and often have a talent for language and writing. They can also be described as easygoing, selfless, guarded, adaptable, patient and loyal.

yeahh i suppose it's accurate enough:D the first two were kinda close though.hmm maybe i'm not as introverted as i thought:P well after that we were also supposed to make tiaras,wands n banners.LOL.

today was less interesting.we just finished up our,um,masterpieces.then split into different groups according to our personality types.i joined the introverted idealists hahaha.we were given the story of hansel n gretel to read o.O n do a short skit on one part of it.that's about all.

ohh dance was quite cool.there were so many things worth talking about that i wouldn't be doing it justice by rushing through it now:P yeah so i'll talk about the entire thing tomorrow,hehe.

cca was kinda slackish.we just rehearsed part of the finale for awhile,then laoshi rehearsed zhong1guo2hua4 while the rest of us went out to practise,as usual.yeah n the seniors were practising the part of the finale which didn't involve me,so i just stretched a bit n stoned luh.oh but it's only because i wasn't feeling that good.else i wouldn't have stoned so much:X reallyy.i didn't even talk alot since my throat kinda hurt.

that basically sums up my day,made lousy mainly by my unwellness,made fun mainly by dance sabbats.yuppps.lyrical hiphop is da love<3

on to results.as expected,they suck luh.i'm not exaggerating or whatever,they reallyreally suck okay.mainly due to blocktests long time ago.that i already know n regret.i won't chide myself anymore about it,because i've been doing that since blocktests ended in march.i just hope that i'll be disciplined enough to study hard for the upcoming ones in july.yes,the ones that are just a few days before dance night concert=.=

that's why it's essential that i make full use of this june holiday to catch up n muggg.list of subjects n how to improve them,if applicable:

lang arts-just started compre remedial.other than that,everything's fine.

adv lit-improve on speed!..i don't think there's a need for extra tuition.

chi-start doing whatever stuff that mum's friend(who's a teacher in ny) recommended on a regular basis.

math-currently undergoing weekly math remedial.look for mrs ng in the hols.practise more by myself.

i.h-um,no idea how to improve on this one.will ask mum.i suck at inference skills luh.

chem-look for mr sit in the hols.possibly get private chem tutor that mum suggested.although i'm quite surprised by my chem results.i used to fail it,like,without fail lol.

bio-just started remedial for answering essay qns.mug more by myself,i guess.generally o-kay.

yes that's my general plan.for now.i don't care if i don't thoroughly enjoy the june hols.i need to improve,seriously,n anyway it'll be totally worth it.

other stuff to do during june hols:
1.NYAA(cip & skill)
2.dance rehearsals
3.go out with friends:P

okay wow.that's quite alot to do for 4weeks.oh well,i'll manage,somehow:/ go girl.targets/goals will be stated in another post.

haa.i might be a dreamer,but even a dreamer has to wake up sometime.

n for once,i'm not bemoaning the fact that three of my subjects need just one more mark to be promoted to a higher grade.because,it's no use,n anyway i'm now aiming to reach that stage where i won't have to worry over every measly mark n whether u pass or not.if u get what i mean.

n as for that issue,i've decided to kan4 kai1,at least for now.yes,i'm letting it go.no use clinging onto it if the other side doesn't feel the same way.or whatever.besides,i guess i have to consider other factors n everything,n not just think about myself.

huh.i think i'm being really weird tonight.since when did i get so..efficient?practical?open-minded?n i'm not even taking philosophy as a sabbat,lol.oh i don't know.i think it's good,though.

only 3 more days to june hols.wow.how time flies.i'll need to come up with a detailed schedule sooon.

p.s:i've resumed listening to the occasional emo song already,haha.n u know what?it doesn't affect me much anymore:D

2008-05-19T18:06:00.006+08:00

Since when have i become afraid to talk to someone?

since now,i guess.i don't understand myself.how can i actually be so hesitant n reluctant to do it?to ask a simple qn?why can't i seem to find the courage to just start talking to that person?~~after all,i should've gotten used to initiating things by now.~~

n to think that,not too long ago,i felt like i could voice out just about anything.

it's no use,i just can't bring myself to do it,even though it's all i wanna do.i just let every opportunity slip past like that.sigh.

i was looking through every one of my past posts,all the way since april 2006.huh.this blog's been around for more than two years o.O

anyway,it's only now that i realise just how much i've grown n matured over all this time.in 2006,my posts were all happy-go-lucky.not to mention with tons of short forms n lingo etc. no paragraphing.hard to sustain through the whole post.generally shorter than the lengths of my posts now.

in 2007,they're still more or less the same.paragraphing only starts at the end of the year,n with occasional outbursts n rantings.sometimes a little outrageous,to tell the truth.length of posts..longer than those in 2006.

this year,there's like..quite alot of difference to me.in terms of everything from writing style,alot less short forms n lingos,more emoing(hurhur),more reflections(like now),less indignant outbursts,obvious paragraphing n even highlighting,underlining n all since april.lol.n the length of the posts r like..whoa.i hope it's somewhat easier to finish reading an entire post,though:/

then again,i'll probably look back a few years later n think that this is lame.hahaha.well,i should be glad,because it's a normal growing process.it shows that i'm constantly improving myself,n maturing.i didn't notice any changes as i go along,but looking back..there is a huge difference.

anyway,today's been nothing special..just went to thomson plaza in the afternoon to change the lenses of my bro's specs n also to adjust mine.asked about contacts as well.the optician recommended dailies.my parents still want to ask their friend,who specialises in contact lenses n has a PhD in something to do with eyes,for advice first before we decide though.oh n we also went to crestar learning centre in hopes of enquiring about ballet classes.but they weren't open,n anyway i don't think they have classes for my age,unfortunately:/ at least,that's what we gathered from reading the notices on the wall.oh well.

sabbats again tomorrow.damn,i still need to create that crappy banner for inner child.actually i don't really know what to do=.= n i think i've forgotten part of the routine for dance.zomg.how nice.i can even flunk sabbats.

it's only after u lose something that u really start treasuring it.but sometimes,it's too late,n the damage is irreversible.like this.i don't think it can ever revert to what it was before.that almost-perfect condition.really,really sad.yes i'm referring to the crisis.it's healing,thank god,but..well,the scars will still remain for a long time to come.i'm filled with regret.but it's too late,n there's nothing much i can do,i guess.trying my best,though.n to think i took it for granted last time.well,for the most part.

tomorrow,i die.i'm lucky it's sabbats week,really.but that also has its cons.like the fact that there's practically no time to copy answers to worksheets:X hey it's not like i didn't attempt the qns at all.it just so happens that they're all on the topics which i'm lousiest at right now,for both chem n math-qualitative analysis n functions&relations respectively=.= gosh,i seriously need tuition.

..i just typed out an entire paragraph of emo stuff but decided to delete it.hurhur.it's like,practically my deepest emotions,so i guess it's not for the public eye.lol.i guess i just wanted to vent a little.i wonder..

if i screamed out right now,would u hear it?

2008-05-18T12:46:00.005+08:00

I don't know why,but i find myself tearing up all of a sudden.

i suppose it's because of all those different emotions built up within me,for too long.well i suppressed them yet again n held back my tears,so i didn't really cry.but i know that this doesn't help.i can't fight them back forever.the tears will come again,n all the emotions will just spill out one day.provided that something happens,something that will make me truly happy again.

but i won't expect anything because expectations ultimately lead to disappointment.

oh n i musn't listen to any more emo songs,at least for now,because they so don't help=.= at least "Cinderella Under My Umbrella" isn't emo:D the part where they combine is soo nice.

[both]
because

[rihanna]
when the sun shines
we'll shine together
told you I'll be here forever
said I'll always be your friend
took an oath i'mma stick it out til the end

[chris]
but you can dip out anytime whenever
i can call a car i ain't tryn'a stress ya
im lookin for the one with the glass slipper
baby girl you can be my cinderella (ella ella eh eh eh)

[rihanna]
under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)

[chris]
you can be my cinderella (ella ella eh eh eh)

[rihanna]
under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

lalala.lucky freaks lol.oh well.i gotta go out soon.so yeah.more later.

CONTINUED:
yayys i went to amk hub just now for dinner with my family.ate at newyork newyork for the v first time!:D such a wide variety of food.especially the drinks n desserts hahaha.i made the mistake of ordering cheesy chicken.which was half a roasted chicken covered with cheese:/ it was so hard to tackle luh,n not fantastic.oh well.for dessert i shared a chocolate fondue with my sibs hehe.v interesting.it was..quite okay i suppose.

i just wanna say one thing:i have a million things to say.that's my pm on msn now.n i seriously feel like that.but i have no way to express all of them.i feel so trapped.wth.

i don't think u give a damn about me anymore,really.

all this is killing me.but i totally can't do anything about it.i'm just praying that..okay,nevermind.i shan't repeat what i've said over n over again.n anyway it doesn't help.all i can say is,well,quote from mariah carey's "For The Record":

Why it gets so hard
Tears you all apart
Even though you try to let go
No, no, no

ohh i wasn't listening to emo songs.i just remembered the lyrics,that's all.

tomorrow.i shall b good n finish up all my crappy homework.at least all those that r due on tue.n i shall pluck up the guts to..try n resolve at least a little of this whole.retarded.mess.

2008-05-17T21:02:00.016+08:00

Omg i can't believe i ended up liking another rihanna song.at least,a rihanna+chris brown song.aka "Cinderella Under My Umbrella":D:D n yes it was played during jazz.so i fell in love with it then hahaha.rihanna songs rule.

went to coro with catfish after cca yesterday.got chips n shared the cost of muffins with her cos i was hungry but thought i'd have a proper dinner after the concert lol.in the end we didn't have much chance to eat luh since we took a v long time buying flowers at coro(in the end we found out that they were selling flowers at sch=.=) so yeah we were only just in time for the concert.n we aren't supposed to eat in the audi,so anti-climax:/ but we still ate abit anyway:P

the concert was nice!i always liked how the different,um,pitches blend in together so well lol.spotted everyone i knew haha.n loyee conducted one of the songs.ummm forgot the exact name already:X something about mexican spices lol.i loved "sunrise sunset"!which they sang for the encore ahaha.n stnicks guest choir was pretty good too.to tell the truth,i can't tell one choir from the other.they sound almost the same to me:X

after the concert,carissa n i were about to go give flowers to ppl when i spotted one of the rose's "head" on the floor.like OMGGG.somehow it was beheaded.so we freaked n stood there for a v long time.debated if we should get another flower from the stall outside the audi,but v reluctant cos we spent $10 altogether for the 4 flowers already.in the end we didn't give felicia cos we didn't see her anyway haha.oh but crazy carissa still gave it to her other friend=.= LOL.

oh n we gathered outside the backstage door along with all the other twelvers who were there n waited for the vips:P loyee came out first n we all swarmed around her screaming n shrieking like anything,hugging her n drowning her with flowers.then amanda tan n lanxin came out after some time n went through the same thing hehehe.loyee n lanxin cried lol.

then we took group photos!

cherie at the back,cheryl,lanxin,carissa peeking out,loyee,me on tiptoe=.=,sylvia,chongmin,amanda he,jessica,yilin!(guess i didn't stand on tiptoe high enough lol)

group hug!hehehe i'm the one at the left with the ponytail n the pink-n-black bag!apparently i was seriously squashed hahaha.

today was openhouse,n actually i didn't have much to do.went to sch at 8.15am n pretty much stayed in the dance studio throughout.except during the lunchbreak when i walked around with yueching.that was interesting.the sch was reallyreally alive with activities n people.oh but the rest of the time..welllllll,u know,i just stoned at the steps n watched ccamates or m.dancers on the dance floor.except for early in the morning when we did huang2hai2zi.n a short while of ti1tui3 n barrework before they stopped us abruptly.hmph.that was so much better than showcasing our performance items when so many people weren't even present.the effect was quite shitty.

oh yeah i think i saw tenghui's mum n sister during lunchbreak.but i was eating with my ccamates luh so didn't approach them xD n they were leaving already so no chance after that.oh well.

anyways i left early at 12.30pm to go for jazz:D oh i just realised last night that i didn't have to miss lesson because of openhouse after all.i'm so slow omg.at first i was still whining alot about the fact that i'll b missing two weeks of jazz luh.cos the arena's next week.yeah so i told quekying the level ic that i had to leave early only this morning lol.but it was okay,no qns asked.

i'm SO GLAD i went for the lesson,it was fantasticcc hahaha.somehow,i was more flex today n could do a 170degrees side split,lol.at least,i think it was around there.n we did some nicenice exercises,like sashay-turn,sashay-leapnturn..um i don't think u get it but nevermind:P yays steppie said i did that well!can't really tell,myself,but i felt quite shun4 doing it heh.

we also learnt this new exercise,like jump-kick backwards,step,step,jump-kick backwards on the other leg.for some reason,the teacher wanted us to bend our raised leg=.= having been trained to do it straight-legged for so long,i couldn't really bend it luh haha.but i shall practise!the exercise is nice,though.makes me feel energetic n bouncyy.

had to go home by myself after lesson,for the v first time o.O so i decided to take 14 with steppie all the way to,um,clementi mrt.even though it was vvv far from my house n i was going like the opposite direction of where i was supposed to b heading hehe.aiya i just really didn't feel like going back myself.n i wanted to crap with steppie awhile longer!we rarely have the chance to b together for more than an hr.

yepps so after lesson we went to see a couple of totally adorable bunnies at the pet shop in front of jazzcats,bought food from coldstorage then boarded the bus.on the way the evil steppie still tried to trick me okayy.as in,in believing that we took the wrong bus=.= at first i didn't know the route so i was like "WTH???" then she said we were on 74.but i was v sure it was 14.so she gave in n told me the truth=.= RAHHH.oh but it was fun talking to her for such a long time,since we haven't done that in ages.dunno if she felt the same thoughh:/

i think it was abit awkward sometimes luh.cos she'd talk about iceskating lessons,getting skates n her classmates,which was quite interesting but not what i could relate to.OH I WANNA RESUME LESSONS SOOON OMG.i miss them so much:/ anyway it's great that steppie's gradually becoming a pro xD n getting skates n all,lucky freakk.n i suppose it's the best we can expect for now.i mean,we can't expect to hit off immediately right,since we haven't had a real conversation for so long already.but i hope it can b like this more often.

you know what?i realised that i completely forgot to mention sabbats,which was quite fun but which i don't feel like talking about now.n anyway the post is long enough!tomorrow,okay?:P

oh.i discovered that,although i still like "最近还好吗",i find that i'm not really crazy over it anymore.a regular process for every song i was ever crazy about.but up till now,i never thought i could relate this to another subject.

2008-05-15T17:01:00.006+08:00

Okay i'm posting from the pclab(3) in sch for the first time in i-dunno-how-long xD

n catfish is beside me lol...

HELLO ALL JIAWEN-16-BLOG-READERS :D I AM AN INVADER FROM OUTER SPACE AND I AHVE A SEXY MOUSTACHE ><>

crazyy girl:P always talk in caps oneee.anyways she was just reading XXX's blog!might b her boyfriend's blog HEHE.who ask her don't let me put the person's name lalala.so secretive.

soo bored.she dragged me here in the first place:/ okay shall continue later at home.now i can't seem to find anything to say..must b because that retarded alien invader from outer space sucked all my brain juice away lol.not that i had alot to start with.rahhhh.

THE INVADER JUST KIDNAPPED HER (NO RANSOM IM NICE) BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

(CONTINUED..)
okay i'm back home,n i say today's been completely disastrous T.T in fact,if it hadn't been for dearest catfish who came to my rescue,i probably would've gone to jump from a building hurhur.

1.had a reallyreally MAJOR crisis which i shan't state here,n
2.left my hongzi in the freaking toilet in my state of panic after finding out about the crisis=.= only realised it at around 5pm,when the toilet was locked already.sighhhs.
3.my major(but not-so-major compared to the above) crisis still exists:/
4.i forgot to bring back chem prac ws 10a n 10b after all!!!

OH WELL.I WON'T BROOD ABOUT THOSE DEPRESSING TOPICS ANYMORE.

on the bright side..

1.SABBATS START TOMORROW!n no more official lessons till JULY wahaha:P
2.got a whole tube of wafer cones from the l.a sia grp that was selling icecream lol.they were giving loadds out to the class since they had alot of leftovers,haha.
3.i'm going to choir concert tomorrow night!jiayous choir ppl!<3
4.played-n lost-a match against jessica during badminton today after all!yes i decided that it's worth losing one match to have the opportunity to play with a pro hehehe.final score was 7-10,n i was no match for her,duhh:P
5.won the rest of the 4 matches.lalala.

ooh guess wad,the good pts outnumber the bad ones.by the way,catfish was damn sneaky today ahaha.tsktsk,i wonder if she'd do it again:P aiya u v cute leh,try to b naughty then end up being really guilty n remorseful LOL.cannot stand u:P funnnayye girl.

i have a bad feeling that my june hols will pass in a whirlwind of activities in no time at all.the thing is,most of them aren't wad i wanna do,myself.n i can't believe just how much hw we already have.main culprits?MATH N CHINESE=.= we still have to self-study 2 bloody topics for math!!

oh yes.speaking of chinese,chai was being freaking unreasonable n hateful today.yes,hateful.in the middle of the lesson,he suddenly started yakking about how we're always not paying attention to him,not showing him respect etc. n how some ppl r v noisy,disturbing the rest of the class.n how only the same few ppl really listen attentively.then he goes on to say,basically,that if we think we're so pro,how would it b if he refused to give us marks n make us all fail our chinese.yet he continues by saying that we're free not to pay attention only if we're good.

like wtf?!he's totally contradicting himself.how can we get good marks if he refuses to give us any,no matter wad our standard is??n anyway,does he think he can just play around with our marks like that,huhh?gawd!if he doesn't respect us then how does he expect us to respect him luh!n he's so crap,all he knows is how to threaten us with marks=.= oh puh-lease.it's freaking obvious that he doesn't really give a damn about any of us.it's all about keeping his precious job because the salary's high or sth.wad rubbish.

n omg he's damn racist okay.he was crapping about sth which i can't b bothered to remember but was kinda negative..when he suddenly said "for example,indians".then i was like wth racist git n abby who was sitting beside me commented the same thing.n since i was replying abby's letter at that time,i wrote sth along the lines of:"for all he knows,his dear INDIAN NEIGHBOUR might b looking down on him even more.v probable,considering his height lol" which made her laugh like crazy when she read it o.O but it's a fact that he's v short.hahaha.

i mean,it's totally fine to tell us wad he feels,n i feel a little guilty about the times i wasn't exactly paying attention to him(just pretending to lol),but he didn't have to put it in such a nasty way right!

oh yes.steppie is a such mean girl.

♥starshelle. not.jazzerina says:
blahh poolee you wait awhile k :D i chiong math ws physics ws and chem ws first :D

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
lol okay

n then she went offline after that!:/ rahhhhh.

okay really tired so shall go to sleep now.i seriously hope i can find my hongzi tomorrow=.=

2008-05-14T22:43:00.004+08:00

I feel like i'm in a dazeee.

first period was l.a lecture,abby's group got her dad to come n talk about dentistry:D so cool he's like an assistant lecturer or sth at NUS.but oh well i don't think i will take that course luh.first n foremost,it requires good A-lvl passes in chem n physics/bio=.= (n also GP) so yeah.byebye dentistry xD n anyways i'm not interested at the moment.but the talk was quite interesting n informative.

a.lit was slackish hahaha.went to pc lab4.we were supposed to work on yet another crappy essay qn that was graded n due before june hols.but practically everyone was digressing hehe.i barely managed one sentence(besides typing the qn out) throughout the period o.O basically just stoned n blog-hopped lol.

oh speaking of english.i'm damn happy i got a 24/30 for my obs essay:D that's like 80%:D:D yess finally there's sth that can really pull my lousy marks up.anyway i wrote about my lowest pt in obs luh.so i guess i was pretty um passionate about the thing lol.good chance to b able to rant on n on about how shitty kayaking was hahaha.for me anyway.since i got so annoyingly seasick:/ but well.birchwood underlined the words "caliginous" n "cumulonimbus"-at first i thought she found them absurd n probably laughed her head off at my nonsensicality-but turned out she commented "interesting vocab" n "interesting vocab again!" respectively LOL.v funny.is that a nice way of saying that i was full of crap?xD

funny how sth so trivial can make me so high lol.plus it was from yesterday..?=.=

yays p.e tomorrow!badminton<3 i'll have to play the remaining 5 matches required for assessment.shall find jiawen15 for the consecutive no.s one hehehe.i wanna play with jessica the pro leh but i'll have to decide between trying to get a perfect score or losing one match by playing with her lol.aiya whatever lah.i shall see how i fare first:P

i just remembered there's extra math lesson after sch tomorrow:/ sighhs.oh BUT.tomorrow's the last day of lessons before the hols!!!OMG YAYYS!:D:D sabbats start on friday u see.okay great i will get past tomorrow,no matter wad.

it's damn sad that the teachers r still piling work on us to complete before hols though:/ n it's sad that i'll probably have to go for cca rehearsals almost every day:/:/ still can't take a break from cca luh.

although today was pretty enjoyable,despite it being taxing as usual.laoshi didn't come today since she was sick-had been for a few days before this already,i hope she gets well soon!we need u,laoshi!xD-the seniors were in charge of kou1-ing n all.they were v nice luh can.like,they'd hurry us abit n remind us to focus,but they let us joke around sometimes:P quite unusual worr.then they laughed along with us when ppl did some actions in a funny way lol.

n yays i think i'm improving.cos i don't get corrected as much now,as compared to last time.n i'm especially happy that my jump n half-handstand thingy were okay!:D i thought i'd surely get kou1-ed for those.not that i don't wanna b if my actions r inaccurate luh.it's just..this shows i'm not that bad wad right,hehe.

i love S.H.E's "最近還好嗎"!<3>

问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法让寂寞更听话

(chorus)
你最近还好吗是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

n second stanza:

有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大 (yes i so feel that way)
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下

gosh this is one of the only chinese songs i fell in love with o.O hahaha.no really.i don't usually like chinese songs okay.but i think S.H.E rocks~

anyway.i've decided not to rant about it anymore.for now.since,well,i don't seem to feel much towards it at the moment.perhaps it's numbness.but i don't mind it,really.it might even b better this way.

JESSE MCCARTNEYYYY<333333 he looks so boyish n cute ahaha.his songs r awesome tooo xD

lol randomness.

2008-05-13T21:45:00.003+08:00

Is it possible to feel even worse over sth that's supposed to cheer u up?:/

maybe i'm weird.but seriously.i feel like..screaming.hurhur.there r millions of things trapped within me.n,as usual,i'm unable to spill them out.n it just keeps building up.at this rate..well,i'll probably explode.maybe even literally.

maybe it was partly my fault.but then..how could i know..?i feel like dyinggg.being in love with an emo song doesn't help.lol.

i was on the point of being reassured..then just like that..i'm left lower than when i started out.n it was even worse after that when..well,sth.

n i was supposed to feel loads better,really.NVM.it's not like there isn't a tomorrow.i'm going to seize the day.carpe diem.haha.

so.today was tiring.i shall spare u from the boring details.n fastforward till the end of cca.when we celebrated yiyi(our pres)'s bday-which is tomorrow-with two huge cakes.one strawberry n one fruit:D oh n since bailu n hernhern(our vice pres-es!xD)'s bdays r quite near yiyi's,we celebrated for all three of them hehe.although the bday song was only dedicated to yiyi:X yeah so two ppl had to share a plate n a fork,lol.i shared with xinyi,n we took the strawberry cake:D quite nice.

other than that,today is really quite suckish.i was freaking tired by the end of cca.barrework etc before sch,bio during lunch n chi after sch luh.SADD.

anyway talking with spastic huaichyn made me laugh lol.

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
I WANNA SCREAM:/

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
one two three

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
scream!

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
scream into your pillow.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i do that.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i used to use sth to hit other stuff. then once i missed and hit my thigh. wah, damn pain. end up i chose screaming as it is safer

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
LOL

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
really!

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
its like this beanie bag thing

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
and hit my thigh

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
wah siao. whole thing red luh
!

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
scary.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i don't dare le.

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
crazy girl lol.so angry arrr

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
yea

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
at?

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
idk

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i'm an optimistic girl who lets bygones be bygones (:

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i learnt that proverb today (:

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
o.O

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
lala

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
anyway i forget le luh

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
its most prob my mother.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
who was being unreasonable.

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
lol

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
(:

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
okayy

n i vented everything out to carissa hahaha.shan't post our conversation here though:P it's P&C!haha.omg THANKS EVER SO MUCH CATFISH i feel so much better now!!like seriouslyy.u're amazing!n thanks for bothering to listen to all my crap!:D n supporting me throughout!n giving opinions n advice n all!i feel so guilty i didn't really know how to cheer u up just now,hurhur:/ but nvm,we had a really nice loongg conversation after that lol.we seriously have loads in common.KITKAT!<33

i realise that,i'm really not depressed anymore,on the whole:D on the other hand,i feel quite fortunate u know.as in,when i think about my life in general,i realise that it's pretty good.there r so many others out there who aren't as lucky as i am.so i should really treasure wad i have.yeah,sure,i'm lacking sth in some aspects,but it's nth unmanageable.if i put in enough effort,i can fix the problems.at times,it might not exactly b easy,but i shall persist.

okay gotta go now.oh yes,as carissa reminded me,i must remember to bring the jelly to sch tomorrow,otherwise it'll just rot n possibly melt away in the fridge already hahaha.cya!

2008-05-12T21:46:00.004+08:00

HAHAHA another slack day today:P

l.a-worked on sias again,nth much luh.

a.lit-watched yet another show!this one was called "Jeeves and Wooster",n it's supposed to b farce comedy haha.it's kinda funny luh but also kinda weak.cos it's that type that makes u choke a laugh now n then,but not like really laugh out hard lol.still.i enjoyed the show:D

then during recess,loads of 312 ppl went down to support sylvia,carissa,sandy,shiyun,zeke they all cos they were selling icecream(n will b doing so till wed) to raise funds.for l.a sia luh.it was pretty nice haha.still have free toppings somemore.i like the sugarhearts!x3 oh n shiyun n sylvia looked so pro,wearing gloves n scooping icecream hahaha.

math-had that dreaded quiz.i think i flunked it lol.saddd actually i wanted to ask mrs ng to go through that topic during remedial today luh:/ but,unfortunately,the quiz had to b TODAY.oh well.

chi-yays another slackish lesson,whereby we just had to listen to chai go on n on about gu3 wen2.he's unexpectedly quite nice-he even let us do our own work(i was chionging math ws) provided we listen at the same time(which i tried my best to xD).usually he threatens to tear up whatever we're doing if it isn't related to the lesson:/ not that he ever did luh.but still.

as for math remedial,abby n i-especially abby-were being extra spastic n high hahaha.probably due to cherie's presence:P in the end cherie couldn't stand us n turned around to sit at the bench in front lol:X but i slacked alot.cos mrs ng had a really loongg discussion with another teacher(at least,that's wad she told me in her sms) which lasted for like 1hr+,so meanwhile i got stuck halfway n waited for her to come out so that i could ask her.hehe.

because of that,i took an unbelievably long time to complete those few qns.n because of that,abby n i only went off at 5.30pm:/ but oh well.i don't mind.

anyway,guess what??i suddenly developed a liking for jesse mccartney,hahaha!he's like quite hot:P n his songs r nice!-currently in love with "beautiful soul"- ahaha i haven't been interested in any male singers/actors etc for dunno-how-long okay!xD

well,in continuation from yesterday's post,i'm sad to say,today has not brought any good news after all:/ if it hurts more than it satisfies,if it takes away more than it gives,then why am i still hanging on in here?i think i know why.it's because,no matter wad i try to tell myself,no matter how i deny it,i still wish,still dream,still hope.i still believe that everything will work out n turn out okay,somehow.even though the future looks bleak right now.even though i said i'd given up.i haven't.not completely,anyway.i just..can't.

but that doesn't mean i go on taking this forever.

maybe i should just stop thinking about it,seriously.like u.then i can feel carefree once again.okay good.from now on,i shall try my v best to forget,forget,forget.until then.

oh another thing.all my ex-classmates still haven't confirmed if they wanna go for the concert or not!!:/ n i'm supposed to collate the list by tomorrow.oh wows.i guess i'll just have to count them out first,then.

was having yet another crappy conversation with huaichyn the bimbo just now xD:

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i said i have super low expectations.

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
i just noticed the muscles cant b too hard if not cant lie part LOL

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
crazyyy girl

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
really can you imagine. you lie on a guy's chest and your ear hurts? that's not good.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
so anti climax (:

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
and then horh. he must kisS well (

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
(:

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
WHAT!

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
u know wad?u can go try with every guy then decide LOL

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
so realistic can.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
decide what

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
if u want him or not

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
haa

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
have fun!!xD

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
...

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
not everyone.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
too time taking.

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
then how u know huh

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
he must first meet the look requiremt.

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
lols

❤jazzerina. not.starshelle xD says:
n wads the requirement?

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i'm so superficial yea.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i thought i said.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
hot looking, cute looking, no pimples, not oily skin.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
yea. muscles but not too much. reasons explained.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
about there.

hope's gonna get you high* (: says:
i'm sure i missed out some points though :D

ah well.that's how it is when u talk to a bimbo:P TTFN~

2008-05-11T13:40:00.005+08:00

Discovered some reallyy interesting pics on lanxin's blog:

backview of abby n me hahaha.

another one..o.O

n another!(i suppose i was pretending to pay attention during chi..xD)

abby n me at the board(i look like i was having constipation but was actually laughing spastically lol)

haha abby looks spastic in this pic!:P btw that's my desk..okay actually no,it's jiawen15's,but we swapped places temporarily,as usual:P

of course,lanxin-who was behind me-was just trying to take pics of whatever chai was showing on the screen,while we were just being extra lol.not intentionally of course.i think we were at the board doing the crappy love calculation game xD n it was probably when we were matching carissa up with random teachers hahaha.

oh yes.v obvious from the stuff on the desk that i'm a pink-lover,hehe.it's the kind of desk u would expect a bimbo to have:X pink-ish with colour pens/markers n letters(u know,the two pieces of folded paper there).omg.another reason why i think i'm becoming more bimbo hurhur.

anyway,i'm facing a major crisis right now.like,a really frustrating one which has been plaguing me for ages.one which i need to clear up in two weeks time..!!:/ else i'll absolutely die.i dunno wad's wrong with me,really.i shouldn't b having this prob.i've never been bothered by it until now.or kinda recently anyway.then suddenly,BAM,i'm being tormented bigtime.sighs.well,i'll just have to exercise more self-restraint n hope that things can go back to wad they were before this then..

right now i'm feeling pretty angsty.n really,really confused.i just can't make anything out of this,no matter how hard n how often i try to analyse the situation.i keep feeling like sth's missing in my life.i suppose i know wad it is,but i dunno how i'm supposed to restore it-i made multiple attempts already-n when exactly will this end,if at all.i keep trying to suppress my feelings,so one moment i'd b all happy-go-lucky n the next..i'd feel so troubled n..helpless,i guess.since i can't do or say wad i reallyreally want to.i never get the chance to do it.oh well.i pray that everything will b all right again.i'm counting on the hols.

but then again,i'm wondering if i should get my hopes up n expect sth.because it seems like everytime i do that,my hopes get dashed.n i dunno how much more disappointment i can take.

i've come to realise that,well,words don't really mean anything.i used to really believe in them n all,but now..i think i've become kinda indifferent towards them because they don't promise anything.

don't get me wrong,i'm not really feeling emo,i'm just..saying wad has been filling my mind recently.more tomorrow,n i hope it brings good news:/

p.s:HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY HAHAHA.it was pretty normal,really.i bought my mum a HUGE bag of organic blue tortilla chips on sat($8.10 for a bag of chips..?!),then decided to ask sibs to split the cost lol.since they didn't get presents anyway.yeah so in the end i just had to pay $2.70 n make the jelly:D gave mum the chips that night,n she loved it haha:D

2008-05-10T22:23:00.003+08:00

Wowws,i haven't posted since wed o.O

yesterday was great:D there was the usual extra-long assembly on fridays,made longer by npcc parade(the one our cca disrupted during their rehearsal LOL) at quad,then pccg(bo-ring),math(i was falling asleep haha)..after recess was ih-we got to watch a movie!way cool,how we're getting to watch movies so much recently xD anyway it was "The Wind That Shakes the Barley",n it was about the retarded british soldiers who were terrorising irish,treating them like foreigners in their own country.it was quite cruel,really.there was this part where they were torturing a guy by ripping out his fingernails,ewww..i couldn't bear to watch it hurhur.i knew i wouldn't b able to sleep that night if i did:/ wth i hate all those soldiers lah!good-for-nth downright evil ppl who only know how to scold the f-word over n over again.oh n "bastard" as well=.= wad "f***ing irish bastards" n "shut the f*** up" walaoeh.i think all those apply to themselves even more luh!retards.

anyway,l.a was after that..worked on sia in pc lab4,pretty slack.someone suddenly found out that sabbats allocations were out n announced it to the whole class,so we were all frantically checking our allocations half the time haha.birchwood was quite nice luh,she let us go crazy for awhile before asking us to work on our sias again xD

ohh i got into both my first choices for sabbats!DANCE<3 n discovering ur inner child hahaha.although-omg-there's only abby n amanda t. from 312 in dance as well:/ but steppie got in too!:D:D yayys i know i'm gonna love sabbats hahaha.

then after lunch was chi.thankfully we didn't have to do any li2jie3s,zuo4wen2s,bao4zhang1s n wad-nots for a chg.then towards the end,chai noticed that many ppl were falling asleep(not me though:P) so he actually started telling us a story-i forgot about wad:X-n jokes/riddles lol.like:
狼来了，猜一种水果。(杨桃)
羊来了，猜一种水果。(草莓)
cute haha.after that he gave us 3mins break.for once.then during cme(still under chai),i thought we were gonna have to do wo3 you3 hua4 shuo1,but in the end we didn't!:D

cca was exhausting!laoshi suddenly decided to let us lian4 gong1.so we had to do a few exercises n bridges:/ thrice.on the third time,we had to hold there for like 1min+.after i got up my head was aching like crap lol.omg brain damage xD oh the second time i went down i almost hit my head cos i,um,got stressed by all the others who went down damn fast so i just plopped down quite a distance:X

we did jumps as well..i screwed up the right-leg da4tiao4 lol.cos i was going across with xinyi,then both of us were doing just 45degrees for the leg in front,so laoshi was like "你们两个商量好做45度的是吗？下一次要商量好做90度的哦！":X i was soo irritated with myself haha.so when we did the left-leg one("你们商量好做90度了吗？"),which i was better at for some weird reason since my right splits r better,i tried to jump higher n all,n laoshi actually went "好的！" n asked me to do it again=.= so paiseh lol.i obviously do it quite lousily luh,don't have to ask me to chu1 chou3 again right.then she said i had to straighten my back more,so okay i shall work on that.

today was quite okay..woke up really late as usual,so i was feeling kinda zombie-ish during jazz.maybe that's why i wasn't feeling so up-to-standard:/ oh well.the lesson was okayy.just that i think i especially sucked lol.steppie kept moaning about how she was the oldest in the class ahaha.aiya i'm not much better lah k,i'm almost as old n stiff as u hehe.n fyi there used to b ppl as old as 16 or 17 in the class so don't worry k!!!xD

oh i made konnyaku jelly to give my mum for mothers' day!haha.first time making it,so obviously there were a couple of errors.like,i only discovered that i could reheat the jelly that solidified again after i dumped away a whole lot of eeky slimy solidified jelly:X so yeah.wasted.the jelly solidifies soo easily omg.put it in room temp to cool for awhile n the surface already hardens.next time i shall cut the fruit before i stop heating the jelly.other than that,there wasn't really anything else luh,thank god:P i added raspberry essence to the jelly lol.not bad lah.except i don't think konnyaku jelly usually comes in raspberry flavour hehe.in the end i still managed to make quite alot.so if anyone wants they can ask me for some:P provided i can pass it to them soon of course.

i was feeling so hyper just now haha.dunno why.so to release all my energy i did da4 tiao4s across the living room.LOL.then i antagonised my mum by arguing with her incessantly about where we should go tomorrow.cos she was really keen on having dinner at home n i was equally keen on going to some restaurant xD in the end,after much discussion..i forgot wad was the conclusion.HAHAHA.

sighs.have u ever felt frustrated because u can't let out ur feelings or say out the millions of things u want to?it's as if i'm an overturned bottle,n just when my cap gets unscrewed n all the liquid starts to flow out,the cap is screwed back on n the liquid is forced to remain inside,even though it wants to flow out.okay that was quite random.but well.

another piece of random news-our class gets to go to the arena finals like automatically!without having to order tickets!because our classmate(natalee) is one of the debators involved!soo exciting:D even though it's compulsory so it's not like we have a choice,n it's on a saturday which means i'll have to miss jazz(!!!) but oh well,i can deal with it.n anyway i've always wanted to go for the finals.we're up against RI so jiayous natalee n the other debators!xD all the more we should trash them since we lost to them in the sg sec schs debate championships finals:/

lots more to say but i gotta go sleep now,so more tomorrow!!^.^

2008-05-07T22:31:00.002+08:00

New blog song!"Breakin' Dishes" by rihanna:D

i guess it's pretty old already but well since i couldn't find any of the mariah carey songs i actually like,n since this song reminds me of nicenice jazz lesson,it'll do!haha.oh actually i found "Touch My Body" by mariah quite nice,but um u can even tell by the title that it's v..provocative lol.not my style,so forget it.

ohh i'm so freaking PISSED with my blog.it keeps hanging at one pt of the song-i think the prob's caused by the bloody song luh=.= expected.well if this keeps up then maybe i'm gonna have to chg the song,hurhur.

anyway.today was generally okay,i guess.i just finished my part of the IH proposal-like finally-so i'm feeling v accomplished hahaha.even though it probably sucks.well i did the best i could on short notice.yupps:D

we finally got to finish watching "Dead Poet's Society" throughout the whole a.lit lesson!R.O.C.K!!i so don't regret taking up a.lit,hehe.well the second part of the show was more depressing n sad than i expected:/ NEIL COMMITTED SUICIDE OMGG NOOOO.u know,the kinda-hot guy that jessica is crazy about?lol.his story is damn sad lah wth.i hate his freaking dad!!damn him for being so strict n demanding towards neil,for being so retardedly against an innocent school play,for not allowing him to have even one moment of fun,for transferring neil to some military school just because of the play,n for not even feeling guilty or admitting his bloody mistake after neil shot himself.not only that,he still demanded the school to conduct an INQUIRY over his son's death,blaming the good kind lit teacher.like wtf,i'm so indignant over that luh!!

in the end the lit teacher got sacked!:/ ohh but the ending was quite triumphant hahaha.the lit teacher once told them to stand on the desk n say stuff.then when he was about to leave the classroom after retrieving the last of his belongings(there was a retarded new teacher),todd anderson suddenly stood onto his desk n said "o captain,my captain" to him ahaha!kinda like a salutation.then while the new teacher was hollering at todd to get down n the teacher to leave,the others all started following one by one!so the new teacher was like hopelessly shouting at them from below LOL.in the end,around half the class stood onto their desks luh.wayy cool.n it just ended like that:/ sadd haha.

k,more tomorrow,i need to sleep early else i'll fall asleep in class.seriouslyy.

2008-05-06T20:50:00.003+08:00

I will not brood over that freaking issue anymore.i can't,i musn't n i shan't.

after all,it's really not worth thinking about in the first place.only time can tell,n anyway it's no use getting all worked up over sth which is-hello-uncertain?if i really want to find out,i'll just have to b straightforward n ask,don't i?

yeah so that aside,today was exhausting.especially cca.we got released at like 6.40pm=.= after having to dance huang2hai2zi twice in front of laoshi n several more times when we were practising outside.gosh it was reallyreally tiring.plus i'm already quite tired today luh.oh but laoshi said she could see a big improvement!yays at least our efforts weren't totally futile.

but well,i'm still in a relatively good mood:D hmm sometimes my dad can b quite crappy lol.like just now,he was talking about religion n stuff,how extremists r always putting down other religions all that luh.n all this result in wars.then at the end,he asked my bro a damn crappy qn.

dad:so,which religion do u think is the most correct?

me:that's a rhetorical qn,we don't even have to answer it..=.=

like LOL he spent how long talking about how we shouldn't b extremists n now he asks this qn.so obvious that he's expecting a politically correct response haa.oh well,he likes to ask rhetorical qns luh so not v surprising xD

today was kinda boring on the whole.ohh except at the end of chem lab lesson!cos before that during chi lecture(which was a huge bore,as usual),i "vandalised" on abby's knee by writing APPLETART with my hot pink marker hehehe.so she wrote JELLYHEART on mine with her dark purple marker o.O yeah then during chem,evil elf aka zeebra aka leejiawen15 scribbled I AM ZEEBO on my hand in hot pink(yess it's the same marker i used on abby).n it was like freaking huge n obvious so i started thinking "omg wad about cca later?!"..imagine dancing n striking supposedly-graceful poses sporting the extremely attention-catching words I AM ZEEBO.hahaha.

so i tried washing it off under the tap during lesson.didn't work.was totally tempted to squirt nitric acid all over my hand since it works so well on stained test tubes LOL.but mr sit was like "nono cannot!" so i got scared.in the end,abby n i approached him after lesson for some form of,um,remedy haha.he was like "whoever got vandalised can look for me after lesson!" HAHAHA.carissa stayed back with us:D yeah then he let me try ethanol.didn't work,sadly.after that he asked me to use some detergent to scrub hard on the words.well it came off slightly luh but still.not v effective.then he mixed some kinda acid with ethanol i thinkk.argh didn't see properly luh,was too busy scrubbing away while taking care not to peel off my entire skin:/ anyway i was quite skeptical about it so when abby asked me to try it first i was like "no wayy".so she tried it n guess wad?IT ACTUALLY WORKED OKAY.omg why is it that whenever i was the guinea pig,the whatever i was trying didn't work,then when abby tried once,it was effective=.=

anyway we ended up using lots of mr sit's tissue paper to dip in the solution n rub on our graffitied skin lol.mr sit warned us that the mixture was quite corrosive o.O that got me abit nervous:X oh we had to wash the mixture off with water immediately after rubbing it over our skin.but in the end most of it was gone,yays!omg thanks so much mr sit,u're our life saver!!:D:D ahaha.he's v nice,n his lessons r one of the not-so-boring ones heh.imagine succeeding in making CHEM interesting.wows.

oh yes.some of the ink spastically dripped down my leg onto my sock=.= so now it has a purplish tinge=.= how nice.jamestan n lailai will probably b after me tomorrow for not having 100% white socks lol.well maybe not since they're probably quite blind,but who cares if they do xD it'll b fun to spite them for once hahaha.

okay,can't crap so much today,i've got a load of assignments n projs waiting to b completed.sighs.

i feel like chging my blog song.hmmmm.i'm still deciding which is the nicest song that i can relate to n can afford to get sick of now xD "bring me back to life" would've been okay,but i figured that,since it's my jazz routine music,i can't afford to hear it so much that i get irritated by it after a while,as i do with all blog songs.after all,i think we'll b sticking to the routine for several more weeks at least,n i wanna enjoy it!:D

i think i want a mariah carey song.but i dunno which i should choose.well whatever,u'll find out when i chg the song,so stay tuned:P HAHA.

i decided to end off with a couple of my favourite verses from mariah carey's "For The Record"!:

"But whatever
That's how it goes
Win some you lose some
And others you hold in your heart

Why it gets so hard
Tears you all apart
Even though you try to let go
No, no, no"

hmm,i guess i can kinda relate to it..n this is the nicenice chorus!even though i can't really relate to it right now lol:

"Cause when I'm looking in your eyes
Feels like the first time
Give me one good reason why
We can't just press rewind
I don't wanna spend my life
Thinking what it could've been like
If we had another try (one time)
Like back in the day
That look on your face
Feels like, the first time"

<33

p.s:I SHALL CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF NOT TO B SO PARANOID=.=

2008-05-05T23:00:00.002+08:00

Haha short post today,will update tomorrow.

i shall go sleep on time for once lol.

today was quite normal but NICE:D

n i've just had a new fave singer-mariah carey!her songs rockk hehehe.

was listening to a few on youtube just now,found one or two v nice ones.

watched the arena just now!NYGH vs JURONG SEC.haha we won,of course:D yayys.i think our debaters r damn pro!brillianttt keep it up n jiayous for the finals against RI!trash them lol.

okay nth more for now!

2008-05-04T13:52:00.003+08:00

5 Reasons Why I Think I'm Becoming More Bimbotic:

1.i start to like gossip.seriouslyy.

2.i'm spending more money now:/

3.blog-hopping has become more frequent.which means finding out about stuff right.

4.i start to want more shoes.

5.sometimes i actually feel like camwhoring.omg.

oh,n this might not count but i've developed an urge to try on contacts.like seriously.everyone says i look better without specs.n even though my parents keep saying how harmful it is n everything..i still wanna try it.tsk.i guess it's quite normal to feel like trying sth,but maybe i shd learn to exercise more self-restraint.n anyway i'll probably get to wear it during the esplanade concert:D that's an assuring thought.

yeah but i really feel like i'm becoming more bimbotic now luh.i never used to care much for gossip!!i mean,i've always found it interesting,but i dun go looking for it.arghh.actually i blog-hop mainly because i'm bored.but then,if i didn't wanna read posts n everything,i could've just picked up a book to read.okay so maybe it's because i've reread everything so many times already.but there r other things i can do right.as for the shoes issue,it might b because i only have 5 pairs now-ballet shoes,jazz shoes,heels,sandals n sch shoes=.= who wouldn't want sth else luh,like track shoes or maybe sneakers.no way m i wearing my sch shoes out,lol.but the fact remains that i,who never really bothered about shoes,start wanting variety now.n another thing.camwhoring.hell,i used to scorn it just a few yrs ago.now,though..i'm becoming more n more obsessed over the idea of getting a digital cam.or even a phone with a camera.so that i can take pics of myself,sometimes with my friends.is it normal to b feeling that way when u're deprived of this kinda thing??

3 Reasons Why I Think I'm Not:

1.sometimes i think my fringe is irritating n m thinking of wearing a hairband to sch.i feel like i might look better,too o.O

2.i still love to read,n remain a bookworm.

3.i'm still quiet n demure ahaha.

okay whatever.so maybe i'm becoming abit more bimbo then.but oh well,everyone will as they grow up,right?:D haha.anyway.i still can't keep my mind off the book.as in,"A Northern Light".oh it gave me a new insight to marriage n wad-not.cos i realised that a woman has to suffer alot more than i expected.plus the initial excitement,no matter how u try to deny it,dies off after awhile.sure,there's still love between the couple,but well.things get older n more boring as the days go by.sigh.plus u get tied down by all these responsibilities?children,husband,chores..?according to the book anyway.hahaha i guess babies aren't exactly the angelic dolls i imagined them to b.as in,they're damn troublesome.but well.still cute hahaha.

n there must b a good side to marriage,too,or else no one'd b getting married,right?i know that,despite all these,i'll still want to do it:D n to think i used to object violently last time.like,when i was in lower pri,hehe.it just goes to show that people chg ALOT as they grow up n mature.i wonder wad i'll b 10 years down the road.well,now i'm still abit scared about having kids,so maybe by that time i'll b more open about it lol.probably.

argh i'm feeling so sick now.sick of chocolate,haha.just did my part of the experiment for our chem sia,which involves tons of milk chocolate-normal,melted,melted n put into the freezer to solidify..gawdd.my sis n i got a strawberry each to dip into the melted chocolate-chocolate fondue!HAHA.it was so darn sweet.but kinda nice.but i got really sick of all the chocolate after awhile so i just dumped away most of wad was left:X hehe.ppl who really like chocolate shd have been there to help finish it all up luh:P

hmm.i just don't understand sth.but i'm not as affected by it as i would've been some time before.i'm glad,n proud of myself that i've become steadier,abit tougher maybe.so wad if i feel like i'm getting mixed signals?so wad if someone doesn't wanna do sth n ignores a statement?so wad if ppl don't feel like talking?i shouldn't get affected by all that.i shouldn't get all worked up,or even..jealous.because it doesn't really mean anything,right?so why do i still feel a pang within me everytime i see it,see them?

okay fine.i'll let the pained feeling pass.it's just temporary,after all.n as long as i keep thinking of the bright side,everything will b okay.if this were last time,i'd b restless n sleepless with agony.but i guess i've gotten over that stage.i'm stronger now,more mature,more experienced.n i've learnt that,sometimes,it's better not to try to understand everything that ppl do.in other words,i should b more open-minded n just let go of some things.

i think i'm v random today.jumping from one topic to another,haha.i guess i'm feeling kinda disturbed.hmmm.i'm still brooding over that topic.damn,i need to get over it.

another crappy week's starting again.sometimes i wonder if sch's the only thing i live for.stupid,really.obviously not luh.but then,i've grown to know that mondays signify another week of sch n maddening yet inspiring math remedial,fridays mean anticipating a short break from getting up early n boring lessons,tuesdays wednesdays n fridays mean either tiring or slackish cca practice,n thurdays mean nice long afternoons at home for once in the week.

i wonder wad i'd do if schooling was suddenly stopped forever.lol.

wows i just realised that i've been dwelling on this post since morning..it's like 10.30pm already o.O cos i started on it in the morning,saved it as a draft n forgot about it all afternoon,n continued again at night.HAHA.

oh,today i suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia over 6a hahaha.for some strange reason.as i was going through the classlist on the class blog,i felt all emo.like mixed feelings luh.happiness,wistfulness,sadness..:/

n i realised,through talking with cynthia,that friends r for life.no matter how long u've lost contact with each another,when u start talking again,it seems like u're back in the familiar past,no matter how much all of u have chged.hmmmmm.catching up with one another is like..just wonderful.brings back memories,haha.

i love this feeling of warmth n old familiarity.n it's reassuring to know that,no matter wad happens,ur friends will always b there for u<3

2008-05-03T21:27:00.004+08:00

Omg i'm kinda pissed right now.

sry luh but i just can't help it.i tried really hard to suppress it,but it isn't working.n i dunno why i'm getting so worked up over it.after all,it's just a minor issue.but maybe it's because i care.i still care for her so much,yet it seems like she doesn't care for me much anymore.

like excuse me i dunno why *some ppl* keep going on about how much i've changed from sec2.into someone fake n distant n all.okay fine so maybe i've changed some.but not completely luh.i'm still kinda quiet,i still like all the same things as i did in sec2,i still like her company,talking to her n everything.all i did was try to b abit more outgoing n socialise with my classmates.n one other thing which i shan't mention here.lol.anything wrong with that?is there a prob with getting more friends or sth?i'm just trying to improve myself in life.trying to bring out my true personality within.u know v well that i can b expressive,literally n with close friends.all i'm trying to do is bring out my expressiveness with more ppl,u know.

n i just don't understand how i'm fake.or bimbo.is it because u think i'm act-cute now?superficial?shallow?or what?or is it just because we don't talk as much anymore so we aren't really as close to each other as before?so we can't find common topics already?i know it's sad but that's the way things go.no matter how hard we try,things can never go back to wad they were like in the past.but anyway.i'm sry but i think u're pretty fake now,urself.wad's with all those comments on ur blog n not telling me straight-on instead?it feels v bad okay.n the unsupportiveness?i know u try v hard,n i appreciate it alot,but i can tell u just aren't interested,so i give up anyway.n wad about the looking happy n talking normally whenever we meet?it's as if u've got two sides,n it gets me confused.one moment i'd think u still enjoy my company,talking to me n everything.n the next,u'd start going on about how fake i've become.it's just so contradicting.

don't get me wrong,of course i still miss u terribly,the way we clicked so well,the way we'd tease each other,the times we'd b spastic together.n i didn't mean to get all mad.it's just..i feel so pained.n confused.it seems like i don't understand u really well anymore.any more than u understand me.but well.i think i should stop,since it's quite pointless to go on n on about it.things can't b changed,n ppl can't go back to the past.we've all got to move on..right?..but i guess we're still besties,for now.

anyway.woke up at 12+ today,like omggg.i'm such a pig,haha.basically i didn't do anything besides wandering around n reading abit of "A Northern Light"-that's a reallyreally touching,emotional n supernice book that abby lent me<3>brilliant.although i got kinda confused.anyway i decided to type out an excerpt here:

"I traced the letters of my mother's name on the cold gray stone and conjured my favourite memories of her.I saw her reading to us at night from Little Women or The Last of the Mohicans,or reading us stories from Peterson's Magazine like "Aunt Betsey's Best Bonnet" or "Flirting on Skates".I saw her reading the poems I wrote her for Valentine's Day and her birthday.She used to tell me that I wrote real nice,as nice as the poems on the fancy cards at Cohen's in Old Forge.As nice as Louisa May Alcott,even.

I remembered her singing as she cooked.And standing downstairs in the root cellar in November,smiling at all the food she's put up.I remembered how she made us fancy braided hairdos and how she trudged through the winter fields on snowshoes to bring Emmie Hubbard's kids a pot of stew.

I tried very hard to remember only the good things about my mamma.To remember her the way she was before she got sick.I wished I could cut the rest out of me the way the doctor tried to cut the cancer out of her,but I couldn't.No matter how hard I struggled to keep my last images of her at bay,they came anyway.

I saw her as she wept and moaned with pain.And as she screamed and threw things at us,her sunken eyes suddenly bright with rage.

I saw as she pleaded with the doctor and Pa and Aunt Josie and the Reverend Miller not to let her die.As she kissed Lawton and me and my sisters over and over again,pressing our faces between her hands.As she cried and cried,frantically telling me that Pa didn't know how to braid hair or mend a dress or put up beans.

I saw her as she begged me never to go away,as she made me promise to stay and take care of her babies.

And I saw myself,tears in my eyes,promising her I would.

The memories faded.I opened my eyes.The peepers had started up.It was getting late.Pa would be wondering where I was.As I turned to go,I nearly trod on the body of a young robin half hidden in the grass.Its wings were twisted and bent.Its body stiff and bloodied.

A hawk's work,I thought,wondering if the robin had seen the brilliant blue of the sky and felt the sun on its back before its wings were broken."

Gosh i took 15mins to type that out=.= it's so touching right!haha maybe u won't feel it so strongly,but if u read the book n get to the part..well,u would.n ahh the romantic parts were so..romantic.lol.really,really sweet.n it's the more "innocent" kind-u know,not like those trashy romance novels with one-night stands n wad-nots.i like,i like.it's how a love story shd b like:D

oh the author weaved romance,history n a murder mystery into one plot.n the murder mystery part's based on a true story.wth,some parts r kinda scary.

k so anyway.back to wad i did today.went to fetch my sister at 1+pm as usual.thank god she wasn't THAT late today,so we sent my bro to learning lab n i actually got to jazz a few mins early:D yes.there were 7ppl today!like wow.it's the most i've seen so far.there was the small boy elijah(just learnt that his name's spelt like that haha),renata,leticia,samantha,steph,the new ballet girl nicole,n me!haha so half the class was angmoh this time.not bad leh,more chi ppl in the class already lol.at first i used to b the only one okay!hmm i wonder where elijah's from.his hair colour's black,but he speaks with an accent.

the lesson itself was nice as usual.but i feel more unpro cos steph n nicole r both quite flex hahaha.so now i've competition!:P plus today i was feeling quite stiff.must b from all that stretching during cca yesterday.my hips r still sore from tue when linkai helped me,um,kai1 kua4.haha i only know how to say it in chi cos laoshi only speaks chi wad.so we learn the chi names from her xD yeah anyway.so now when i do side splits it feels all stiff like i can't open up properly:/ sighs.

we started on a new routine today!it's contemporary style,haha.i guess that means it's slow,has abit of ballet to it n includes more flexibility stuff-yay:D our instructor said there'll b like bao4tui4 n all that.coool.oh n it's to..damn i forgot the song name but it's by evanescence however u spell it n i think it's from some spiderman movie.or whatever.argh wad's with my crappy memory=.=

great,youtube's finally up n working again.it was down just now luh-huaichyn tried n couldn't get in as well.YES i found the song!it's "Bring Me to Life" hahaha.oh darn.it's kinda creepy when i watch the video:X still,like my instructor said,it's a beautiful song.OHMYGOSH i just realised that i watched this during my MTV analysis sabbat last yr!sheesh i couldn't even rmb it when i heard the song.although it did sound familiar,somehow.ahaha it's just so cool that i'm actually doing a routine to it:D the last one was an MTV-style one to "Don't Stop the Music" by rihanna.that was pretty fun as well.

k,getting late,guess i shd go to bed now.cya:D

2008-05-01T23:50:00.006+08:00

Wow.today was LABOUR DAY,all right.like literally.

more tomorrow.i'm still left with loads to do n i'm freaking tired.

btw i was in a reflective mood today.haha.

oh now i come to think about it,the demerit-pts-for-having-a-bf thing probably wasn't really true luh.but whatever.

i just realised my credits seem to have disappeared.they just aren't showing up,no matter how i try to edit the stupid code.oh well.not my problem.

CONTINUED ON 3/5:

um yeah so as i was saying,i had a really busy labour day,wad with all the last-min projs n hw.quite irritating,really.it seemed like everything was due the next day-bio sia draft report,zuowens(which i haven't done,lol),a.lit essay,bio as5.2,math ws8.2(which i copied in sch:P)..n i did part of chem ws10,11,12 as well but turned out it wasn't due the next day.oh well.n i almost did the experiment for chem sia as well,cos zeke told me it was due the next day,but my mum forgot to buy the milk chocolate required for the experiment in the afternoon.so i had to wait till at night after my dad went to get it.n in the meantime,we found out it was due on 12/5 after all.HAHA.so i had more time to do other hw.

somehow i felt accomplished after completing most of my hw.especially during the next day,when most of my friends were copying bio,math n such.okay,so i also had to copy math ws.but still,i finished bio:D n the crappy a.lit essay:D

oh actually it was partly my fault i had to chiong hw on labour day,since i slacked off on wed after csm.but still.all my friends were complaining like hell about the ton of hw-i mean,they shd at least let us off for labour day right??how literal can they get luh.plus who can have the heart to work after csm luh..we were practically baking in that place..n i still had cca after that pls..

oh well.at least it's over.so nevermind already.

oh.about the reflective part.there were a few qns about stomach cancer n stomach ulcers for bio as5.2 luh.so i researched on it,n saw pics of stomach ulcers.that was when i got kinda sad.because it reminded me of how we watched the "video" of my grandpa's stomach ulcer,when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.it was horrible.that was last yr.it seemed like only a short while ago.i can still rmb that fateful morning when i was awake at 7+am to receive the call from my uncle's gf(who's married to him already,so i guess she's my aunt now)..i still feel a pang of guilt everytime.don't ask me why,n it didn't really have any relation to the whole thing,but..well..anyway.the call was to inform me that my grandpa had passed away in his sleep the previous night.

i was completely stunned.n numb.i couldn't accept the full impact of the situation then.part of me went like "no,he can't b",n i thought it might have all been a dream.i wanted desperately to go n visit him then,to prove that he was still alive.but i couldn't.i never saw him after that,except for the time when he was lying in his coffin,back at my grandparents' house in m'sia.his face had so much makeup on,it looked completely fake.i almost couldn't recognise him.i broke down n cried when the cover of the coffin was being closed.i dunno why,but it was just really saddening.even though i was never really close to him.

that time,we had to do an assignment for history,n ask our grandparents or whoever about sth about the past luh.that was only a short while before he passed away.i never got around to ask him.i feel a twinge of regret everytime i think about it.

i can still remember the next day at sch(it was a sun when i knew about it),we were analysing a poem about a grandfather who passed away.I DUNNO WHY IT WAS SO COINCIDENTAL.but well.i couldn't speak.i just sat there quietly,trying not to tear up.it was all v emotional.n it hurt.

okay i didn't mean to get so deep into this.i was reflective about other stuff too,but they all seem so trivial compared to this.n anyway i'm too drained to talk about them anymore.

guess i shall end here.gawd this turned me all emo=.=